Better left in the Dark

We know sometimes between a couple that certain things are better left unknown. Cause the chances are it will keep bothering the other person n one day it might just trigger off something unwanted for something that has past n definitely will not or at least unlikely going to happen again in some cases. We all know these kind of stories.

I dont really mean to discuss on that. Everyone has a set of value to themselves and view on such so called "grey lies". I didnt call it white as the intention cant be said as totally innocent and 'protecting' the other. So hence, grey. or Not so white.

I am just merely doing a comparison of how the brain function, between knowing and not. Since monday, whenever i wake up qith my back feeling uncomfortable. It no longer translate to, must be the bed, i didnt sleep well yeterday night or did i over exercise this morning.. Rather, " so thats why i always felt that these whole year.." n then sily thoughts starts spinning again and my mind go through the virtual operation and all the possibe out comes from it. Pretty drama and ur brain actually works real fast, like a zillion thoughts in one second... Now a small backache just dont feel the same anymore.. In fact i find myself keep touching the back, as if i will feel a bone sticking out any minute.. Haa.. getting paranoid..

The only lucky thing is from the front it is totally not obvious. Even when i am topless, it doesnt look like my entire frame is skewed. Lucky in the sense can still kao zai.. But in a way, thats prob why it didnt draw much attention all these years, even from myself. Cause i cant see myself from the back.. Shucks, now i wish i had a bf whom during intimacy would ask, "baby, how come ur back looks weird, u sure u dun need a doc?" Then i say, "Oo, okay lo.. i go see tmr.." and smile sweetly back.. (the obey-bf feature turned on)

I shud hav started seeing guys since 15.... O well..

35,000

I went to an orthopaedic today, it was kinda a cheapskate mentality that ahh, since insurance covrs that, why not? I knew i hav scoliosis all these while, but its just that our family doctor in Ipoh has more than once assured my mom its not something to worry since i past puberty n things r pretty much "in placea", cant get better cant get worse.. So it was like a see wat the pro has to say expectation.. in fact i was expecting it to be comforting n reassuring..

But well, I guess life is always interesting because u cant expect everything to go ur way..

After a 150 bucks x-ray, (in fact come to think of it the radiographer looked at the film, then came to feel my back and kinda had a "yea, no wonder" expression) the doctor was showing me the shot. Even a layman like me can tell, it looks bad. The doctor was really kind.. he didnt use that word until i promtpted him from his reaction..

Basically, the backbone has this part that's curved at about 67 degree. Normal is zero. And surgery is recommended for those abouve the range of 50-60. Which means I fall outside the "ambiguous" range, I need one. Because of it worsen to like above 70, it seems that its gonna affect my heart or lung. But the doctor just said he didn't want to straight away recommend surgery although that's pretty much the only remedy. He has shown me the powerpoint of current surgery developement where it is possible to recover from like 54 degree to 17, from an example. But for my case, it is probably estimated at 50% recovery only. Cause for one thing, i am pretty much grown.

At this point, i was kinda worry... but since there is still a chance to recover it don't sound so bad. So i asked how much it's gonna cost. n yup... around SGD35,000. A bomb as the doctor calls it...

It was quite fortunate that all these years our family despite having financial problems, it was not so much of life threatening or dead urgent. Thus, i know we r not rich, but neither hav we been in a situation that we need money badly. But this time... I am a little worry... Prob more...

***

Probably something positive is maybe I will grow taller if i really get to do the surgery. Cause the curve looked really bad and if it gets straighten it means i gain height right? Furthermore, when i ask the doctor if i can gym, he kinda say no weight training, it will make u "shorter" ... Thanks Doc... So the reverse apply i guess?

If i really get the money...

12-Hour

Another long day in office... it is not like I am busy or wat, but the meetings scheduling and odd training hours clocked up to another 12 hour straight in office...

Brain dead, too tired to think so just sharing this song that accompany me to sleep....

***

Dont see how the video and song links kinda feel it was crap, but yet the song is so nice...



"I am not a perfect person..."

I am not a perfect person.

...

A: ...right?

B: Ok..

A: You sure you okay?

B: ...


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Ever encounter such ... (speechless) moments? When you feel there is nothing more to be said, or there is no word that you feel can express your feelings?

What would you do or say, or how would you react when that happens?

Stare at him? Turn and walk away? Breakdown and cry? Or just do nothing and wait for him to act first, see if he feels guilty and make up for it?

For me, I guess I will just end it with a..

"Thanks."

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Nope, not lady gaga's speechless, cause I posted that not too long ago... Probably something lighter that's more optimistic...



Another singer that's really charming, but not the kind i consider marrying.. I am still JJ's...

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

I came across this funny article somewhere and decided to share it. Its an email chain and kinda long but if you need a break, do have a read...

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From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.



This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.

______________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.

______________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

______________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.

Attached poster as requested.

Regards, David.



______________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

______________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.

Regards, David.

______________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

______________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.

I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David.



______________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say lost.

______________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster



______________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

______________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.

I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards, David.



______________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

______________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.

Regards, David.

______________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

______________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



______________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



______________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

______________________________________

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



______________________________________

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.


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Designers will be designers, they just cant go with something "normal" or looking at it another way, it was intentional to act bimbotic when someone is pushing... but whichever it is, it was a good laugh for me...

The author of this is David Thorne, you can see more of these stuffs at 27bSLASH6

The 101th Love

"一百次相愛只要有一次的絢爛 下一次會更勇敢"

"If there is one beautiful encounter in 100 of your love encounters, you will be more courageous for the next one"



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Rejections, lies, dissapointments, lost of interest... There are bound to different challenges that brings doubt and even chaos into a relationship.

But no matter how bad it becomes eventually, there is always that moment in the relationship where you know he has given whole heartedly to you, made you smile with something silly he said, or made you cry for something touching he did.

Maybe that's indeed what keep us believing there is always a suitable person somewhere there for us to meet. All it takes, is a right time and place, with the right person in our life.

Never give up...

The Power of Love

Ask: What do you seek?

Ans: Relationship

Ask: Why?

Ans: Because I dont want to live a life alone.

Ask: So you are not independent?

Ans: I don't depend on my other half. I want to share with him my life.

A typical question you get from gay social network sites or places like Grindr. The older i grew, the more certain my answer is...

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I have recently came across a blog entry that touches me. The blogger says he will be emo for 6 months and the bf say he will too then.

It is just a simple reply, but it implies that he will not be alone to go through this. There will always be someone there by him.

Lots of times, what we seek is not any physical or monetary support. This things are still achievable by hook or by crook. But what really keeps us going is a will power and it is especiallly valuable when we are at our most depress moment, there is this someone there to keep you going and not giving up.

Fun or ONS is easy to seek. The hardest thing to find is probably a soulmate who supports you endlessly, giving you the will power to keep going when you feel it is the end.

**********

Celine Dion says: Sometimes I am frighten but I'm ready to learn...



...of the power of love....

I know, but I like it better from You

What should you do when you are sick?

-rest more
-drink lots of water
-avoid heaty stuffs
-don't worn yourself out, e.g. excessive exercise, sex etc..
..
..

and so on..

I guess we prob knew this like since primary one, i mean we all fall sick before and either mom or the doctor would tell you general stuffs like that. I am pretty sure you know them.

But, having that said, whenever your bf or someone you fancy tells you these stuffs when u r sick, is ur response say,

*obediently answer: "Oorh.. I will" and smile sweetly. As if u have no idea thats what u shud do and the information was so helpful.

Well, at least that applies to me, i always enjoy it when my ex tell me through the phone or in a text. Its like half healed, just looking at it..

It is really the concerns from the person that matters, not so much of the content. Of course if ur other half is a doctor maybe the content will be quite substantive too but still, the feeling is same. Someone knows u r sick, and he cares. And in a way, we prob also want to show that we r happily obeying. Being good.

Okay, i should really start up my gbay.com and trade bfs.. I am sure many singles would need 7-day-care-when-u-are-sick service.

Sick Break

Finally, after close to 6 months, i was back at home again.

I once saw on TV some psychologist saying that nature is the best place to heal. Because the serenity and calmness resembles the womb, a place where we came from. I guess my home in a small town has a similar effect, especially contrasting the busy life in a big city.

Thus, last week when my throat condition got really bad, i decided to take a break, and go home. No matter how long you have left it, it will forever be the most comfortable and familiar place in the world. Home. I only wish i could hav a longer break..

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Can i mail order a bf like that? or rent? Sure feels comforting to have one when u feel unwell..