Thursday, December 30, 2010

About 2010

I guess this is a nice time to do a reflection on this year. Although most of the important things has been blogged here. So i was just recalling whats the best and most dissappointing that happened.

And most exiciting, I had the longest flight ever in my life to half way across the globe, out of asia, to a total foreign land. I have seen US. I have met dad in real, after being apart for a good 10 years. I have shopped like no next time (which is kinda true when u see no as not any sooner again). I have seen the Big Apple, the SATC come true and also as a place where mom and dad had both worked in order to raised us up. And all these because of a fortunate encounter with this job, with a supportive boss. I cant think of anything better than this in 2010.

I probably sigh on this enuf of times... But the fact is I am still a failure in relationship. zbe it i havent met with the right person, of i simply am not good at dealing with one. But nothing really nice happened. Many encounters, but none ended up as a long term rs... I still failed in this.

2011, some plans going in mind while some hopes too as ever... May it be better than this year and may I havwe the determination to live it up too..


I asked for ice water from toastbox, of course for a regular they wont charge anything. But...

I wonder why they give me hot water and a plate of ice.. i was struggling to quench my thirst..

-CP @ 31Dec2010

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

House Hunting

Or more precisely room hunting. In this little island, "house" itself seems to be a luxury term. My best mate working in Kedah as an Intel Engineer is renting an entire house, and it probably cost bout half of what I am paying now for HALF A ROOM.

Anyway, been trying to get a decent room that compromises of
Location: Not too far from central (say 20-30 mins public transport)
Type: Attached Bath (typically master room) or Studio
Condition: With Air Con (that's about all I really die to have for now)

Basically just these, and my budget is around 600-800 sgd. But the realistic price for the above mention condition could range from 750 (government flat studio for single senior citizens with crappy condition) to 5000 (for condo studios) and the average pvt studios are around 1500-2000. And even more shock to realize that some common room (share toilet) can cost from 700 (again, govn flat) to 1000!!

This is totally ridiculous... I really dun intend to continue sharing a room and live so far from office/town but this gets really depressing to look (for houses) and look again (at my own salary)...

Maybe I should seriously consider weekend escort jobs. Afterall i need to kill time for weekend nites, might as well make full used of it...


There was a news lately on a karaoke girl gettin 800sgd per nite.

I wonder how much this can be priced...

Monday, December 27, 2010

The Gay $tatus

The pink dollar, it is definitely one significant chunk of money that whoever(country leader) plays ignorant will just loose out their share.

And it just gives out an impression that Gays or Lesbians are generally well being, determined to success, high powered group of people. The fact? well, I suppose so, I mean for one, couples who don't have kids obviously have more to spend. And from there, we know all we earn is all we are gonna have for our old days, no offspring watsoever to sponsor us, so better to have more than less, thus the determination.

Also, being gay, being rather shallow at times, gay have a tendency to seek someone so call "compatible". If you have been in this field long enough, you wud realize that in general money matters are sensitive matters. For me, it doesn't have to be equally well being, but being reasonably self-sustainable shud at least be the bottom line, so you wont feel that u r a burden to the other.

Well, having said that, there are still some who are willing to share their wealth, the lucky one- u met a guy who is generous and truely love you, the realistic one, you met a sugar daddy and you ought to grab as much as possible before he lost interest in you and go for a younger and cuter guy.

So, anyway, its all about status with the $. Lately I have been thinking of looking at options to further study. IT and my current job is great, but i cant see how far it can go, unless I am thinking of moving up the management line, but then again, I am not sure if I am the bossy kind of person or even competitive enough. Thus further study. But the fact is, I am doing something I see more of a challenge than a passion. I know I need to earn more than now, be it for my parents old age or even my own life, but sometimes I also feel that I am being a little shallow cause I think saying that your profession is IT doesn't really make you seems so appealing...

And back to the question, should it be about what you want and what you like. Does being gay really make us wanna strive harder, be it for the $ or the $tatus. I feel excited and I have a good opportunity to try it next year. But on the other hand, I am not really sure if I can do well...

Is doing a job you truly like and flying high overated? that reality is simply strive really hard on what is more guaranteed?


Another Manhattan Nite View,

Take living in this city for instance, how many people actually like what they are doing in this city, or merely just working because it pays them well enough to enjoy the luxury of this charming city?

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Not so Notti, but Nice Christmas~~

This year Christmas is probably one of the best I ever had. Previous years, there are some uni celebration, but they are more like gathering and chatting, one year was at northern China, and then last year was... well was memorable... But this year, we started simple. A simple, warm dinner gathering where 3 full hour just past by without us noticing. When you enjoy it, it seems time really flies. Then it was heading to Tanjong Pagar, Play for the countdown. And this is when some notti part starts. It is fun to be with some crazy crowd in the club. Though have to struggle a little to protect my shirt being pull up, or keep fighting my way out of 2 person holding me from front and back making me dance... and also trying real hard to stand the effect of vodka, which I was made to finish off very quickly and end up getting really bad headache (not to mention 3 hour sleep that day)...

But all in all, it was fun. =D


I came accross this song today, it has been a while since I listened to it, but i can actually hum along and know the lyrics...

On this holiday seasons, for all those with your special ones, give them hugs generously. Every single day you are together, or knowing that someone will still be there for you is a blessing...

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Differences, and thus?

Scene 0

A : "... Can't we try to work things out..."

B : "...take for example you like horror movies, I like romance, we are just so different, we really dun have much in common, there is nothing we can talk about.."

Scene 1

A+ : " ... I notice you like to read too, have you heard of this author... "

B+ : " Err... not really... "

A+ : " Wow, then we have got a lot to talk about... "


A chat with a friend inspired me on the second dialogue. Indeed, he showed me a different way to look at differences. Afterall being human, it is impossible to be 100% the same. And how you handle the differences is really a matter of how much you value the relationship.

We are blood-link with our family, we don't have a choice, we have to accept them for who they are. Friends or colleague on the other hand comes and goes. If we have differences that we don't agree on, it's probably easier to just move separate ways. But lover, your companion, someone you once vowed to protect and support, as we move on in life, there are bound to be differences because of the experiences we have in life. And how we tackle this differences is really how much we valued the other person. Most of the time, we tend to see it as a negative sign, that probably fate is telling you that both of you don't belong together. But have you tried to look at it in an optimistic way, that it is actually a new spark in your relationship to have more interaction, to learn from each other? No one knows everything, and no one can always be right. Why not keep an open mind? especially to someone whom u love?

Well, you may say that Scene 1 usually happen on new couple or newly met friends, where grudge level is 0 and tolerance level is infinite, true, but still, it is about setting our own mindset and making an effort isn't it?


Harbour to Staten Island, one of the Southern most point in Manhattan

It was freeeeeeeezing because of the wind from the sea... for the first time i feel the need of hoodie..

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

My Fan Club

First, the crowd...

See how excited they are?? And guess who are they cheering for?????

Me!!! =p
And here is the proof, there is my name on it!

Although in reverse order... I have to hire a better coordinator next time..

Okay... just kidding... All this started out from when I joined, I mentioned my favourite weekend activity is Karaoke. Somehow, people would interpret that as "CP can sing well" I mean there is no logical link right? There are people who love to sing karaoke but sounds scary, I mean look at ... okay I shouldn't mention the name, but there is. =p

Anyway, my fellow teammates registered me for the competition and in the end I only got 3rd place.. stupid karaoke machine... If only I werent the first one to go up I probably might have gotten the 1st prize.. 200SGD!!!

O well, it was fun... and I am the only one with fan club... hehe... Gosh, I love my dear MAs..

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


I always thought Lady Gaga's song is all about repeating a single syllable, po-po-po ra-ra-ra pa-pa--pa-parazzi... and mostly club-dance hit kind of songs.

Until recently I got to known of this, she actually has a song that is quite emo and meaningful...


"..You never talked again... you left me speechless..."

What is the worst thing that can happen in a relationship? That you hate each other? that you have doubt and keep quarreling? Or that you start throwing things at each other and cursing at the same time? Well, those are bad enough, but imagine, 2 person reaching a stage where either one or both feel so tired to even talk, or there is nothing much left to be said... and the only thing left when you see each other is staring at each other speechless. Cause there is really nothing left to be said, except to turn and walk apart...


Well, I know the song has a whole different meaning altogether, but seeing the name kinda reminds me of some moments that we once had. I can still remember the day, we sat at the restaurant for 4 hours.

It started as a really casual lunch, we talked about anything but our problem. But as lunch ended, and more people left, we knew we couldn't avoid it any more, we talked about what happened, it just seems to go all over again, and eventually, we realize we are back to square one, the problem still exists, nothing has changed. We have been left speechless. Cause deep down we know, the only obvious way, at least at the moment, for both is to move apart.....

I took this photo to replace the photo of us both that I used to set as my phone wallpaper. It was the last meal we had together as a couple. With his tea on the left and mine on the right. We didn't even have much couple photo for the one whole year together. And i just feel like I wanted to keep something that will remind me of the moments we had together. The last moment we shared together...

Monday, December 20, 2010

Gay will always be gay

I was arriving at our office train station and while exiting the station, a girl with huge eyes was staring at me and smile. I smile back to be polite though my expression could have been saying, "hmm, u look familiar but i have no idea who u r"

So the rest of the way to office i kept thinking, who cud that be. She is definitely pretty, and on top of that those huge big eyes are really beautiful. Then it occur to me cud it be my colleague's girlfriend who i bumped into once? She also has those huge big eyes and i have complimented on that before. But later on when I am in office, my colleague simply confirmed that it wasn't her... And then, halfway thru the nite, Ding! She is the reception at my gym!

Gosh, I almost see her like 80% of the time I go to gym, yet I couldn't remember her immdiately, while on the other hand, I am damn sure I can remember every single Male Personal Trainer I have laid my eyes on in the gym. All the more the hunky ones.. =p

I guess gay will always be gay, our attention is always on males especially the gorgeous ones, female on the other hand, no matter how pretty or beautiful, it just passes thru our mind like get filtered off and non-existence... I just proved to myself I am such a true gay.. haa..


Evening Market @ Union Square, NYC

Actually, I am not really sure what I was doing, but dad caught the snap shot... Am I that hungry?

Sunday, December 19, 2010

One Year

I suppose typically when we look back in time, we would feel time flies, afterall every second past is 1 second less in our lives? Although I cant say I have been expecting this day as much as last year....

2009, this day was probably one of the most important day in the entire year. It was the day that determines if things would go back to normal or.. the end. It was the day that prooves if what all my friends has said against 2 months 28 days was true or solely my own silly belief. It was also the day where one is allow to talk to someone he misses so much after a good 2 months and 28 days apart, despite they are so near.

Then one year has passed, this year, there isn't really much to look forward. Well, it feels just like any other day although secretly, I do wished there is someone who is gonna remember... But again, lesser expectations seems to be always the best policy?

Anyway, a reflection of this past one year has been a lot of time spending on searching what should have came naturally. It is a year of a lot of fun yet little achievement in several ways. Hopefully this new year, am gonna try to make a different. Afterall, it is us who is responsible to make ourselves important in life. Not by how much other people value you.

For my family and for myself, am gonna make a real effort to see this change happen...


One of the best nite view around Manhattan...

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The 1 who makes U Smile

I have always love this song, and this is the main reason I bought a second Original Album this year. Even just this song itself was worth it....

Sometimes in a relationship, we fall into a situation where we are busy, stressing, grieving to salvage our relationship, we simply feel a great relief when even things seems to be getting better. We beg, we cry, we have doubt, we shout at eaach other, we keep on apologizing, we keep changing ourselves to meet the other's people demand... eventually wearing oneself just to earn a nod an approval on the other's person face and we feel.. phew, at least he is comin back to me again.

But... what happen to smile? What happen to the loving person who used to always want to put a smile on yourself? rather, what we have now is someone who want us to behave as he wishes to "keep" him? What happen to being HAPPY with the person you love? .. and suppose to love you too...?

I still remember when I used to be a 80+ kg boy, I always put a smile on my face, no matter who I see.. cause that's the best thing a fat boy can do to make himself less annoying... (for some reason, it seems u annoy other easily..). And it kinda work, at least most people kindly return a smile. And I carry this habit all the way until I lost the weight to somewhere like now, yet still carrying the same habit and smiling always. Someone even once asked me, why are u always smiling? Well I am not sad, I simply say... Only until my first relationship, I realize i frown, more than I smile towards the end. And I have forgottten or either too busy to move my lips... Well, until much later when I heard this song again, that reminds me I should smile more...

A smile, not only it cheers u up, it makes other people's day too, all other people who might just accidentally caught a glance of you. I am sure a smile is always a nice thing to see... and you might not know what luck it will bring you, so why not right? So whenever you are down, always lift your chin, broaden your lips a little, look into the mirror and put a smile on, you DO deserve to be happy. Yes we all do..



The talented one... hmph...

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Always A Choice

Okay, I was furious, like super pissed. I sacrifice my 2 hour (out of like 5) sleep only to go all the way to town to be canceled off?

Though on second thought, it doesn't seems to be my friend fault that it is bloody raining and the road here are still jammed. (and you would wonder where all those cars come from when in this little island country u have to pay like extra SGD 50,000 on top of what u have to pay for a normal car). But still, i feel really annoyed at that point. Like keep grudging on why cant he has left the house earlier. why cant he take the train etc etc..

But as I walk about a bit, and think of the later event, it kinda dawn on me that, what happened, happened. Which is true isn't it? Not like we can change anything by keeping grudge or cursing the person. In fact it just seems to make our mood worse for the rest of the day, which could have been sunny, be it to yourself or to the person who look at u, by simply putting back a smile on your own face. Right?

Seems like a lot of times in life, we always have a choice. But we are too obsessed with the negative thoughts that we ignore what could have made us happier.

Obssesion, we always have a better choice...


I really enjoy this place, every photo makes my mouth twitched again...

Central Park @ Manhattan

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Sagi - The Archer, The Centaur

I always thought horoscope or any fortune telling are crap. How can u group people into like 12 category? It just doesn't make sense. But later on, as I grew older and read more about my own sign, I looked at it the other way, generalization can happen, I mean i can easily divide human being in 2 main group. The one with a piece of meat dangling between the thighs and the one without. Right?

I am not sure if I like my own star, the good side, it is a supportive, easy-going, and obviously good-friend characteristic (I read all this from somewhere). And true enough, if i like someone being a friend, i am all out to him. But on the other hand, Sagi is also very emotional. Some sites say it is very hard to keep the heart of centaur, cause they like to explore and try different things, and sometimes being a horse-related star, they have the tendency to have more needs.... hmm i have of hung like .... but do they relate horniness to it too? anyway, well true, to some extend, they are kinda wild but not desperately random. They can fall for something very easily, yet they will be with it loyally until something changes. I mean it, i can have the same breakfast EVERYDAY for months and sometimes even years. Ask the toastbox auntie @ vivo basement for proof...

But the down side, is also the easily emotional Sagi, we fall easily not just for the body, but mentally too... At least that's me i think... This is somethign I am still working on... not sure if every Sagi is like this but it is not something good.. while other is still, considering, taking it one step at a time, this sagi already think about getting married and settling down someone and read sunday morning paper together... This is probably freaky to some right? Well... still working on this little self-control, but blame it to the emo-ish side!

I really wonder if most Sagi are like that.. or just me..


The Archer, The Centaur

Toys r'us @ Times Square, and yup, that's a real ferris wheel in the shop..So cool!!

Monday, December 13, 2010

I want to love him

林俊杰 - 我很想爱他

When I was listening through this album, this song somehow caught my intention. In fact it touches me, really deeply...

"...The sky is raining, and he is holding an umbrella beside me. However, i don't feel the bliss, because I saw the smile on his face was reluctant...

I want to love him, but my eyes are lying, should I hide it? so the relationship wouldn't become complicated?

I really want to love him, however, my senses are arguing against me, should I just give up? ... who can give me an answer?


It seems that Love has thought us that, we both could never let go..."

I still remember earlier a friend has told me that a song is talking exactly what he feels. In fact, reading back my older post, I wrote that seems like in a broad sense, relationship is almost the same, when problem arises, you would easily relate it to any of this love songs. At least for the chinese ones... His encounter just shows that it really seems so...

When I heard this song, it just brings back the memory of how u wanted to love someone, yet it just keeps making you feeling more pain than happiness. All your senses are telling you that you are not truly happy. Yet you shut them all up, paralyse yourself and convinced that you both are still smiling. A smile you force onto your face to tell him you are Too, happy...

But even the writer has doubt, if backing out is the best solution? Who can tell? And love has thought us one thing, that letting go is the hardest thing u can do, when you are in a relationship, Samantha's theory, Half the time. Imagine 7 years... so, that would mean u spend a good 10 years on a fruitless relationship?

I guess the way the writer wrotes this, it seems that no one can say for sure what is the best way... Maybe, the very fact that he is still willing to fake a smile to tell you he is happy, shows he does have feeling, shows he is still concern... Maybe the very fact that you are willing to play ignorant, means you are willing to tolerate? And probably, backing out should be the last resort, at least when both had been serious in it...

The beautiful thing about love, I guess, is that it is a subjective question...


This yea, I actually bought 2 albums, surprisingly. At this rate i probably will increase to 3 next year... (Gosh, I am buying orginal albums and making it as if it is a big deal, how corrupted our mind is.. =p )

Anyway, this is the second alum by JJ. Honestly, he might not be the most handsome but I am more than ready to marry someone of this kind of talent and can sing like this. Heart simply melts...

-South Street Seaport

Friday, December 10, 2010


I know I shop quite a bit, but by promotion here I don't mean buy 1 get 1. I mean Job promotion!!!

Okay, its not exactly a big deal, cause someone else from our team (of about 30) has already gotten this, but that was because they were kinda "asking" the manager about it. Whereas ours came as a surprise during our weekly meeting with our US managers. But we all agree that eventually eveyrone will be promoted as a 1 year completion of the program.

Anyway, hearing this "Congratulations, you have been promoted to..." from my boss for the first time in my whole life still kinda gives me the thrill!!! ^^ i feel like screaming, Yes! Yes! Yes!... Woohooo!!!!

Though they didn't mention bout pay raise but hopefully next march when they are doing the review? Though it's not so hopeful on one hand, like they just laid off 10% of the US workforce.. which means... those money will come to us? Yes! It has to be...


Hard Rock Cafe @ New York Times Square..

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Up-Down and Up Again

For a friend, let it hit hard this time, learned from it, and move on, always a worthy someone ahead.. like u always tell me to believe..

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

KL - A Variety? (guys of course)

Apart from the main mission to see my bro during the KL trip, there were some extra gains too, well merely viewing pleasure but still, I hardly stay in KL, so its pretty eye-opening.

I stay in Cititel for a night, so naturally Mid-Valley megamall was where we spend most of the time. And on a side note, Topman is officially a gay shop to me now, world wide (I have only seen New York, SG, KL but good enough to reach that conclusion). So anyway, I kinda notice that KL guys, gay guys to be precise, kinda comes in a wider variety. Its merely a feeling, I mean from my one day stay there, but it just feel different from Singapore. Singapore gay guys in general comes in 2 category, the tanned, muscular, gym-toned, short haired, immaculately dressed which most of the time good to look but gives out an intimidating and distant feeling unless you are in the same league- non-so-approachable. Second kind, feminish. Just personal preference, no offence, I am not particular interested in this group but its pretty obvious in the gay scene they make up quite a group.

Okay, the point here is they kinda go to extreme ends, its like competition or peer pressure kinda push people to groom themselves to the best in their category, and make them all very similar, yet similarly unapproachable. Like too good to be real. Wheares in KL, i notice there are many that feels "REAL". Yup, they are gays, Obviously, they can even be handsome, good looking, cute in their very own more-natiural way. That is to say not extremely 6-packish or has a smooth-like-porcelain face which u know credits goes to SK-II and dress up in million-dollar labels (or maybe NUM label). They kinda comes in a wider range like, attire: good to say gay but not scream LOUD or overly posh, face: no make up or concealer, hair: all sorts, not just army-short or taiwanese-idolish etc. etc... They are more like real people and gives u the impression, "hey, I might have chance" kind of feeling..

I am not sure if this could just be an illusion or after all these years, I still couldn't mix into the local well... but to be frank, malaysian still feels more down to earth... dont they?


Okay, it has been all talk and pretty subjective.. Now, example of Real-Approachable-Down-to-earth kind of lengzai, born and breed in Malaysia lengzai-town - Ipoh

Times Square @ New York... gosh, i still miss it..

Monday, December 6, 2010

Double hot chocolate

Okay, its suppose to be hot double chocolate, but i was so confident cause i bought it like just yesterday that i spilled the name out without a second thought and it was so embarassing when the coffee bean lady was laughing and correcting me... *blush*

Anyway, things at least seems fine for now, though really depends on like 2 weeks from now but finger cross.. i can only hope for best. But still, something my mom told me when my bro wasn't around make me feel that this trip was totally worth it.

(in mandarin, but translated..)

Mom: You know, i was so worried that night when ur bro cried so hard, like he cannot control even himself..

Me: yea, mom i was worried too, do you remember when was the last time he cry?

(mom shook her head, obviously my bro really dun cry much)

Mom: but luckily you decided to come back, u know he was so gloomy all day, didnt talk much, and until you say u want to come to kl too he looks better, then that morning when we r packing he (my bro) was even humming a song!
(mom does look relief saying this)

Well, not just mom, i was relief too when we parted, for one, i guess it wasnt as bad as he imagined and secondly, i guess although it was short, it was a rather pleasant trip.. (well money can buy a little happiness i guess.. but o well..) and we were with him to check the results, some moral support and reasurance i guess?

still hoping for the best in 2 weeks time.. finger crossed..


Last time was starbuck black coffee and dan brown's lost symbol. This time round is my 'double hot chocolate' and Lauren Weisberger's Chasing Harry Winston. Huh? Who? well, you'r probably more familiar with 'the devil wears prada' ? I definitely am..

Friday, December 3, 2010

Bad Day just Got Worse

When I wrote the blog on a bad day, i really thought that's about it for a day. But as a chinese saying goes, plans can never catch up with changes. Who would have thought I am gonna hit by another wave that totally makes me feel so helpless, in fact to a point I am worried too... but yet, I have to act as if nothing happened and say "Dun worry, We are all here for you, dun cry.."

A person whom I couldn't remember when was the last time I saw him cry, has broke down on the phone. It realy scares me... For a moment, it did makes me feel upset because it seems like my plan to further study could have been affected. But then again, he is my only brother, and it is not like money is really that important, not that I need to save for a flat, save up for a marriage. study plans can always wait I suppose. And I guess an advantage being gay, you have minimal doubts when splashing on your only family members, wat's urs is urs...

So much for the weekend plans... well, seeing KL for a night isn't that bad i guess?

Hectic weekend here it goes!


Still a Bad day...

Will I have a romance like this if I survive this?

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Karma Cycle

Break a heart, heart broken, break another heart, heart get tossed around, pounded, thrashed, stabbed and broken into million pieces... and then tomorrow, here we go again. I call it, the Karma Cycle.

Actually, maybe I should call it the Gay Karma Cycle...

No matter how hard you try to avoid, but somehow your heart seems to be sending signal that he is not the one... heart broken. It just seems to go around and around, it is painful, all the more you feel guilty, when someone falls for you but you know you couldn't accept... and then Deja Vu, the next thing you know, you are getting urself drunk over a guy who tell you he doesn't see a future with you..

It's just not meant to be... whoever invented this line should be hanged, you gave reason for people to give up... and countless broken heart. I never want to hear this line again, I really wish I never have to...


Hardly a good day...

I am not greedy, either the one who can paint or the one who can play piano would do...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Vain vs Real

What type of guys do you like?

Not an uncommon question to get (or we might be the one asking) if meeting people online is the way we get to know gay friends.

We always have our fantasy of a guy who has a looks, build, charm that satisfy our physical fantasy, say we call them Handsome. But apart from that, there is also another kind of quality we seek which is the personality that loves you, adores you, kind, protective and most importantly understands you, the kind of ideal Prince guys. And just a note, looks are subjectives, so is the personality, I am just saying in general, which means everyone has a different image of their Handsome and Prince.

In our dream of course we always want both, which is a Handsome Prince. But we know Handsome Prince is more like the story where a person is asked to picked a big rock from a field and keep believing there will be bigger one in front until he reaches the other end of it EMPTY-HANDED.

So in reality, if we are lucky, we probably might end up with one, either the Handsome or the Prince. Handsome, meaning we adores them (mostly because of the look), prince of course the other way round. Which do you think is more important? One that your heart tells you that you will love him and stay loyal to him or the other that you know very well that you enjoy his sincerity and you know he is reliable, except your heart probably will sway from time to time another Handsome comes by your life until one day, maybe you are truly convinced you are happy with your Prince. (Is that even possible?)

It is totally a problem of being vain and being real, and your heart struggling to convinced yourself that you knew one is better than the other, but which one?


One Bryant Park - The place where I probably will be working if I am employed in New York. It's literally a stone throw away from Time Square, like you can throw a stone and really hit some tourist having coffee out there on the street...


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

You hang up; No, you first!

This is probably one of those honeymoon period and best case scenario to end a phone call with your beloved. You don't even bother about the extra minutes that's ticking on your bill.

After a usual conversation, who is the one that usually hangs up? The one who made the call? cause it is on his bill? Well maybe, but lets say the couple is slightly beyond this $$ minded. So who? The one who is more task-oriented, organized? well again, this is about personality, where some people are indeed very organized and efficient, like okay, I have called and spoken to my dear, so item checked and next is to brush my teeth. Fair enough, these are probably one of those who will always hang up first, cause they don't like to waste time and their life is always full of unfinished tasks and time is always a luxury to them. Of course there are other special cases like one is in a hurry, or one is extremely tired OR... cant wait to watch animation.(Disclaimer: Any resemblance to real person or incident or personal experience is purely coincidental.)

I cant help but notice that apart from the above mention "exceptions" the one who usually hangs up in a conversation is the one who is loved more. Or in another words, the one who hold on to the phone beside the ear and waits till the click sound that indicates the other has hang up, is typically the one who puts more into the relationship or he simply love the other person more. Well, very much personal experience.. The feeling is simply: "I just want to make sure he has nothing else to tell me." Its just the affection to the other person, the attachment and the fondness for your love ones.

But.. i guess that's the part one would enjoy, afterall the whole point of being young, being silly, being romantic... But if you are the one who always hangs up, gives this a little thought and maybe.. be the one who hang on once in a while? He probably would be really surprise and delighted..


Thought of using Lady Gaga's Telephone, but it's just really not my style..

"But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you..."

I never realize till recently the last 2 lines of this song is so touching...


Sunday, November 28, 2010

From Lion City, with LOVE

The weekend was... extreme, in the sense of getting sleep. Saturday was like, I manage to sleep 3 hours before I went out for friend's birthday dinner. Then sunday was like i sleep as if I am bed ridden.. =s

So Saturday we went for watch shopping before the dinner to get the bday boy his gift. The unexpected thing was, I bought this AIX watch that I have been eye-ing and then Will's dear suggested that might as well make it my bday gift...

Well.. I wanted to say no la... but then, they insisted.. and it was really lovely! I totally like it (well, i did choose it myself =p, but still..) Thanks guys. ^^

I find myself enjoying these company a lot. A group of gay friends, couples, and best of all, a lot of Malaysians.. It was always enjoyable and things click easily. Hanging out with them kinda makes me see "real" relationships and how every couple can be different, yet it is still more serious than any flings I have seen in clubs. There are mature couples, like the chinese description of "old husband, old wife" , then the long distance, yet always wats-apping couple, it's amazing, distance seems to be shorten (at least a little) by technologies, stable and loving as usual. And also a younger couple, bickering at times but still, we learn to live together i suppose?

Gay relationship has never been easy, yet there are still many who are seriously making an effort. Those who claims gay relationship are never serious, I guess they just havent tried hard enough or they are just looking for excuses for pleasures?

Fate bring people together, but its the heart and the mind that make LOVE happens.

Its a feeling, and even more a choice...

Friday, November 26, 2010

Blog - It is actually a Diary

Just stating the obvious. But there are probably some younger gen who never thought about how blogging got its name. To them and the future gen, its probably like why would I ask how come the first meal of the day is called "breakfast"? I suppose I am one of those who grow up in the era to see computer boom, and actually read an article on newspaper about blog is actually web log and how it was then used by some creative people as e-diary. (Again , diary is a diary, how many would ask about the origin of the word right?)

Okay, after all these, I have recently got this realization that, "oh yea, my blog is actually my diary, like you know if i write it in a notebook or real diary, a tangible one..". Why this sudden thought? Well, another question, since it "could" have been a tangible diary, have you ever thought how much you have written all these years? like how many diaries it would have been?

Well, recently a kind sir, who told me my blog entries are pretty lengthy, so he actually printed out to take home to read, and it is actually close to 600 pages long! I was stunned. I mean, it cud have been a book, 600 pages, that's already harry potter's thickest book standard. The length of course, not content.. =p Nothing to brag about as I have only been blogging for a year plus, but it is actually something you never realize.. thanks to the kind sir for discovering this.. and actually really printing it all..

Also, it reminds me, my dad has always been encouraging me to write diary, but I used to give up after a week... and now, 600 pages? life, you just never know...


Wall street bull ~

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Selective Amnesia

Or simply, choose to forget?

I remember once watching an animation series where a person has lost one part of memory in his life because the incident had traumatised him so badly that with all his will power, he manage to "lock" that part of his memory so deep that he really don't "know" about it until one day, a "key" (person or item) has been presented to him that force the memory out again.

It is pretty drama-fiction nature of course. But today, when I was trying to tell someone about the place my ex live and I used to visit, I actually couldn't remember the name. A place where I used to go every weekend for close to 9 months continuously. A place I once passed by everyday to go to work. I can remember the station before it, I can remember the station after it, but no matter how hard I try, I couldn't recall that particular station. Come to think of it, at that time, I have always feared to passed through that station, because on one hand I was hoping he will alight the train and I get to see him, but only ends up in dissapointment again and again. Which is why when I got into my new job at a different place, I felt such a relief to have finally be able to avoid that route. And to the extend I avoid going anywhere near there or having the need to pass through there.

And after a year, I actually forgotten about the place, well at least the name of the place. In some way, it does feel similar to the animation, fear, traumatized feeling that lead to "locking" up the memory, doesn't it?


Sky, Will, JJ... or anyone who reads this, I am planning a trip during CNY to take my mom and bro to Bangkok, am looking at the hotel options now and wonder if you guys are familiar with any? First is the location, I can only remember Silom seems pretty nice, and on internet Sukhumvit seems pretty happening too though I couldn't remember and lastly Pratunam? My second concerns is I want a room or possibly suite that can fits 3, doesn't have to be utmost comfy but at least the hotel wouldn't "kacau" us (for the extra person) and my budget is up to about SGD120 a nite... possible? any suggestion?

Much appreciated...

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Expectation - keep it low?

I remember when I took PMR, my school result was like in the 80+ in the school. Thus when I was getting my results it surprises me that I got straight A's. The same happen for STPM, when I was actually the best result in my school and made it to all the local chinese newspaper. (okay, technically not the best, but since only like 5 person took 5 subjects, which is one extra and I was the best among the 5 person. it "appears" I was the best that year)

All these surprises came when I least expected. And it seems a great way to take things, minimal dissapointment and you might even get surprises, like a bonus. Although on the other hand, it seems like we are always taught to set high goals, and isn't it natural to have high expectations too then?

Well all said, eventually it comes back to talk about "guys". It seems the best way to protect oneself is to expect lesset.. yet most of the time, you would start constructing images about the person u thought as potential. Is it even possible that you are interested in someone, spend time talking and yet keep a very low expectation about him? like being indifferent?

I really do doubt...


Smiles, in DC...

Monday, November 22, 2010

US Trip: Smile again?

US Trip was like about a month ago, like my bestie says, CP u have been back for less than a month... and yea I got myself into some mess again...

I was looking back at some photos, trying to recall those moments of seeing a totally new place and everything looks so interesting. And all those smiles are from the excitement, from the exploration, from the surprises from the contentment of seeing the foreign land, most importantly they are real, and not put up to tell others that I am fine..

I want to smile again, a real authentic one that comes from the heart, not my mind...

Saturday, November 20, 2010

First Kiss

I do not mean my first kiss, which come to think of it was more of curiosity and more like lips touching, rather than an action of passion... But i guess as long as ur lips touched it counts.

Here though, I actually mean first kiss at first meet up or encounter. And it always happen because he requested. Although eventually nothing much happen, but the moment the kiss happen it was really sweet, and I know these are moments I will cherish forever.

The first was my first bf, he came to visit my hostel room and so happens my roomie was out. We were playing nintendo ds and lying side by side. Out of sudden, he was looking at me and ask, "Can I kiss you?" , well, if i am honest enough, he wouldn't be in my room if I hadn't fancied him, so why would I say no? Then it happens...


"I'm gonna kiss you." He was firm and confident, but when he approached my face, he became shy and back off, and was blushing. He has the kind of look that when we meet up, I know I am in danger. It was just very charming, not perfect model handsome but charming enough for me to tell myself, yes he is the one... Of course in addition to talking to him for a while online. Before we parted that evening, he said that again, "I am gonna really kiss you, and this time I want you to reciprocrate." . Well, as if I am gonna dodge?


When all the first kisses ended in agony, I kinda thought it must be jinxed, so I keep telling myself, whatever u do, dont kiss a guy at first encounter... But he has to turn out to be a cute guy too. Tall and charming. And all the sweet words said after meeting up at least is safe right? I mean he sees u in real rather than base on ur photo and imagination then sweet-talking to the virtual you. So when he asked for a goodnite-kiss in somewhere near orchard road, I was kinda doubtful, for one, I just thought of the jinx and for another one, it is the public (though kinda corner and hidden). I didn't make a move, or say a thing but just a doubtful look. He glance around and before I can do anything, peck my lips...

My first bf, I had written enough here. As for Mr.I'm-gonna-kiss-you-now, he said something that makes me realize we wont have a future on the second day, at least not that he sees. It was really painful, really really painful after All the talks and building up the feeling of someone truly "compatible" in many ways...

Jinx? If the stastistics goes on, maybe I will really try to refrain myself harder... no matter how cute or charming.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Samantha Says:

Watching Sex and The City movie was like a love at first sight. Although I really enjoy this story of 4 ladies in New York, I never actually watched the drama. But a friend told me recently that Samantha once said: The formula for getting over a person is always half of the time you have been together. I guess it is kinda true, and I do admire Samantha's teachings (all her way towards love, relationship, and especially sex.. I guess =p).

I guess I am feeling much better, although I am still affraid to let my thoughts near it, but I guess this is getting better...

And most of all, I am still having this to remind me,

that, and I still believe strongly, it will come a day....

I still believe..

Monday, November 15, 2010

A friend, a family

"Thin, can I go to your place now, I dunno where I can go now..." my voice trembling, it was 3.45am, Monday...

"Huh, cp what happened, wat's wrong?" half-awake and in a shock state.

"I dunno where to go, can I go to your place..." My voice broke-down..


30 minutes later, I was crying in her room. She listened patiently and keep cheering me... All nite, I was sobbing, first the dissapointment feeling, and the feeling of low self esteem and eventually the fact that I actually have a friend, who I can call in the middle of the nite, and tell her things that even I cant talk to my family...

I couldn't be more grateful, for her taking me in the middle of the nite, when I really needed someone to talk to and be there. A friend, a family, no matter what the definition is, no matter what you call it, but I actually have someone I can go to, and lend a listening ear... thank you.. miss thin.. thank you..


The alcohol did help, but only for that moment, and it really makes you feel weak after u wake up... A hope and a hope crashed in a day, I hate being an emo Sagi, but I guess all is just fated...

All I want, is To Love You More..

All along, i just wanted to seek someone who I can tell him that, yet, after a year, I am still no where there...

Sunday, November 14, 2010

To be drunk

For once, i think i might appreciatw the effect of alcohol... i guess the aim to feel a pain in the head, is the answer to avoid thinking of something, at this very moment...

Lets see what this can do... sorry to those who cares... i am not doing something right, but it seems to hav started wrong.. just this once...

Friday, November 12, 2010

New York Trip: We are everywhere - Chinatown

I remember when I was young, my mom has told me a saying which sounds something like: "Wherever the sun shines, there will be Chinese". At that time, I totally believe it, although now I have a bit of reserve like what about artic and antartic? But still, it is a pretty convincing statement, and you have to admit chinese are indeed all around the world...

I first learned that New York City has 5 Boroughs from my Manager when he knows I am visiting the big apple, and the most popular one no doubt is Manhattan. The remaining are Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx and Staten Island (which you have to take a ferry to reach). I am not sure if it is right to say that there is a sort-a Chinatown in each borough but at least, I have seen 3 such a place, and of these 3 chinese communities, the largest is in Manhattan, which is the "Real" Chinatown...

To start with, one of the most noticeable landmark is this...

Our historic icon as well as a family with most connected descendents, Confucious. This statue stands in front of a huge residence call the Confucious building and is definitely a very nice location as it is just next to one of the bridges connecting Manhattan to Brooklyn which means one big side of the building has got amazing river view! And the residence are ALL Chinese..

I find the chinatown in Manhattan truely "chinatown" because it actually makes you feel like you are standing in a Hong Kong street or Shanghai street if there is no Caucasians or other races around.

All the sign boards are printed in Mandarin or Cantonese and some don't even bother printing English.. (O.o)

Everywhere you go, there is a huge chinese crowd, the only thing that doesn't feels right is probably the kids? Once they open their mouth, you know they are ABCs...

And to add another line to my mom's phrase, "Wherever the Sun shines, there will be Chinese; When there are Chinese, there will be Dim Sum!"
One of Manhattan oldest Dim Sum place, it was there when my mom was there like 15 years ago. And the food is good no doubt, I missed the stew beef sooo soo much!!!

Chinatown in Singapore and Malaysia looks like a joke after making this visit. But I guess you really have to be in a foreign culture, to be able to really appreciate a Real Chinese community. I wonder how European Chinatown looks like...


One of the things I enjoy seeing the most is these kind of buildingsm with a metal staircase build outside as fire escape. It is pretty unique to this City i notice. Not just in Chinatown, but many other places...

According to my dad, this is mostly due to all these buildings has been build way before all the safety guidelines has been put into the rules and laws. Again, we are looking at things that are more than hundred year old... And still standing firmly, truely impressive...

Thursday, November 11, 2010

New York Trip: A City, and More

Singapore has been putting a lot of effort to make the city "greener" for instance by planting some trees along the roadside and reserving certain parts of the "forest" which to be fair is happening in a lot of metropolitans. (not to mention some cities which has the space and land and yet not making much effort)

New York, a city that you relate to the rich, the glamorous, the young atmoshere, the latest technology, the busiest financial centre, the latest fashion, lady gaga, a city with more than 20 subway lines cutting accross each other or running parallel to each other, and a city that my uncle always remind me that has more than 100 years of history. Yet in this mega city, there are actually more to discover, in fact more "green" activities than you can imagine. I was looking back through these photos and actually manage to find 3 set of photos that are taken at different time of a day. So if you are thinking of a "green" day in new york, this is what you can do.

To start off, is the early morning park stroll. Although they call it a park, but it probably qualifies as a reservoir or something by Singapore standard.

Central Park is HUGE. It lies in the heart of Manhattan, with one end at the beginning of Plaza Hotel/ 5th Avenue and Apple signature store at the 59th street and the other end, well no idea, it crosses like 20+ streets (or maybe even more) and i didn't manage to cover it. But the idea is, it is a really nice park, with ice skating field, small lakes, bridges, a mini zoo and many many more. For tourist, you can even take a horse cariage ride around it. And like you can see in the photo, it is indeed in the heart of cities, look every direction u can see high rise buildings..

Then in the noon, you can walk towards downtown direction and about 48th street, 6th avenue, you will find yourself at the rockefeller centre where they have this ice skating place in the midst of tower buildings...

Some leisure if you can skate, even not, many lengzai to watch too... =p

And just around it, apart from the shops and more shops, it is not hard to get little gardens like this...

Furthermore, at lunch time, you will find many people who works in the office nearby sitting around here enjoying their lunch outdoors, cozy and comfy especially in a autumn day...

After this, keep walking further downtown and by the time you hit 14th street and Park avenue, you will find yourself in the middle of this evening market...

They sell practically all sorts of things, from vegetables (such as pumpkins as u see), fruits from farms, fresh homemade bakeries, cheese, milks, cooked food and even wine! (dad tasted some but he doesn't looke impressed =p). And at the union square, there are people playing chess, cycling, dancing, reading books lazing around... all kind of stuffs, no one cares what you do, and no busy crowd rushing for train or people shouting and talking aloud on phone, just a peaceful evening, again, in the middle of this city...

If you continue down, you will reach wall street and the real downtown financial centre and the southern point of manhattan...


Realistically though, 59th street to 14th street is a lot of walk, but one thing you can get conveniently and see a lot is this...

The Subway!

This, is definitely one of the most impressive system i have seen. And again like my uncle says, some may have been there for more than 100 years... wow...

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

New York Trip: Skyscraper

I was truly amaze with Manhattan for the skyline that you can actually see from any of the bridges linking it to the other parts of New York. Reason being? It is one of the longest I have seen. The entire Manhattan is full of high rise, tall buildings that lights up the entire Manhattan Island. I have seen Hong Kong, I have seen Shanghai and Singapore night scene, but New York by far is the most beautiful because it feels like there is no end to it...

Due to the fact my dad loves photography, we actually went to 2 of New York highest Skyscrapper, the Rockefeller-Top of the Rock and the more famous Empire State Building (my Dad can take photos for 2 hours up there on those buildings, and i kinda snooze off after 20 minutes of walk)

Well obviously Empire State building is much taller, just to give an idea, I went to top of the rock first and this is the view,

The tall building on the far right is the Empire State Building, which even from this pic, it looks taller.

And this is how it looks from Empire State building, practically nothing hindering it, and this side actually overlooks the south (downtown) of Manhattan all the way to wall street and the sea port..

Beautiful isn't it?

The first place I went was actually Top of the Rock, it was used for radio station back then, and till now, and this pic was taken at the highest spot of it. U can see all the "poles" poking out... and that's the highest point of this building..

And at the empire state building, I was kinda asking my dad,

Me: "Dad, is this taller than the Rockefeller centre?"

Dad: "Yea, this shud be the tallest building"

Me... = =" why did we spend like 40 bucks to go up to rockefeller to see the same thing, when in this one u see more..

Well the only difference is prob, at rockefeller, u hardly have to queue. But the Empire State Building, as u see in the pic below, takes like 2 hour to reach the lift, which takes u up to 80th floor to QUEUE for another lift... = ="

In case you think this looks familiar, yup, the Monster Gorrilla once was hitting helicopter off from this building...

This is how it looks, just 4 sides of walk way of this width, on the 86th floor... It was really crowded and u can actually finish within like say 10 minutes?

My dad caught this photo which I was laughing very awkwardly cause the problem with the narrow walk way is u can hardly take a photo without blocking a huge group of ppl staring at u.... it was kinda embarassing...

The view was no doubt spectacular, and my dad was truly enthusiastic about taking photos and at one of the day, he was complaining about the weather being cloudy and misty.. so i replied something from a non-photo-taking-fan point of view, which come to think of it, sounded a little offensive... I said,

"Dad, if you want nice photo, you can just google it"


But thanks to dad, I got more self portrait photos...

Monday, November 8, 2010

New York: Broadway

Broadway show is no doubt one of the things you will relate to New York. Furthermore it was highly recommended by my manager, and on top of all my dad seems pretty keen to watch Mamma Mia. So thus we made the trip...

Before I was there, I kinda thought they have everything in one theatre, only to realize that actually EVERY broadway show (at least the famous one) has its own dedicated theatre. For instance, my Mamma Mia was shown at the winter garden.

And the really cool thing is broadway theatre are actually scattered around time square area, which means u can walk past them....

-The time square just blocks down the road..

Then, before the show starts, we were allow to take some pictures, those VIP-like seats at the side are actually just like those in the theatre we see in movie... pretty cool huh!

No doubt, nice lightings, nice music-live orchestra, everyone - even the one acting as an old lady who sits at one corner carries the right expression all the time. There are cute guys of course, lots of it =p and even more semi-naked scence since it takes place on an island ^^ ... and the really great part is we know the songs!!!

~Mamma mia, here I go again, my my, how cud I resist u~~

~~~Dancing queen, young and sweet only seventeen~~~

It was a really amazing theatre experience, for a ulu-person like me... Now i probably have very high standard for musical shows.. =p

It was well worth the 100 bucks!


And lastly souvenier to take home.. available outside the theatre..

But for me.. it is all up there, and I am sure will stay forever...