Wednesday, June 30, 2010

In The Same League

Whoever started using this phrase in love and relationship is observant and mean. Observant for it really says out the fact that's so true and naked. The mean part... no one likes to hear real things right? especially when it is so cruel...

All the more true in gay circle. The league, eventhough there isn't a physical line, but i guess everyone can somehow tell it is there. In fact we roughly know where we ourselves stands. To put it really shallow, 2 main factors, Build and Look. Look good and well build, the person at the top of the world. If either one, then it is like second class or something, and the hierachy goes on... One other factor is of course wealth, but somehow I thought being gay, typically should be pretty self-sufficient, and thus generally would put lesser weight on this factor. But no denying it has it effect to quite some extend in certain relationships..

But still knowing that, sometimes one still cant help falling for people whom they admire, typically in so call higher league.. and end up really hurting oneself badly, cause knowing the cruel fact.. Cross leagues love seems somewhat like fairy tales, they just never happen in real life... right?

Bout time to really wake up.. wake up...


Some songs carry really nice lyrics, for instance, this girl is one of the finalist in Taiwan 2010 music award in the new comer category. Although the winner goes to someone else (whom, is the first original album that I bought.. shows i got good taste doesn't it?) I kinda like this song, 秘密 ~secret~

Part of the lyrics says this,

"... our love is like a secret it can never work, eventhough I love you but i cannot say it ..."

Kinda sounds gayish isn't it? Like loving a straight guy.. although it is actually a story of third party in love.

Hope you enjoy this if you can understand mandarin, it is really a nice song...

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

It's a choice?

Falling in love is a choice?

I probably used this song once, but recently it kinda reflect what i have been doing again...

Quicksand, something that will make you keep sinking once you fall into it. Whoever wrote this, must be really poetic, to compare it to love. But listening to it, one particular line caught me deeply, it doesn't say falling into quicksand but rather walking towards it.. It really felt like it when knowing someone will not fall for you but still, whenever he is hurt, you feel bad for him, when he breaks up, your hope fires up again, and try to be nice to it, despite knowing that if anything were to happen, it would have happened.. in someway it does feel like a quicksand.. You just cant resist the feeling, you just cant fight off the little hopes (not even knowing how it came) and keep falling deeper and deeper into it. And the end is pretty clear, soon enough, you will see him being happy again... happily attached to someone else...

Is there a choice? i dunno, probably the moment you met him, all these are destined, that you have fallen into the quicksand...


Maybe it was meant to be like that, a loving heart can only sink deeper and deeper... until the beat stops...

Monday, June 28, 2010

100th Day

How many 100th days have u had with your love ones? I guess good times, 1, together 2, total about 3.. definitely wasn't fortunate enough to hit 4 but... well..

A very nice piano playing in this song. I am not particularly fan of this song, but somehow listening to the music, it is kinda soothing. I was thinking along the lyrics, saying that no matter how many 100th days has passed, the couple still feel the same love for each other. It makes you wonder sometimes, why are we keeping annivesaries? So that you can pull out some figures when you are tearing apart and say , we have been together for ... years, are you gonna give up?

Just recently, met a new friend, it was a good 7 year and still the end is the end. Kinda makes you think, which is more important, counting the days? or looking at today, this very moment and make sure you are still prepare to love the one beside you?

I remember 2 days before we ended it, was out anniversary. And I insisted on seeing each other. Looking back, I guess that was very much a last chance to ask the other, if you still love me, if you do, show me some sign and say that day is important to you... But, i guess it was just how it meant to be...


Count the days and be proud of it, but more importantly, what really counts, is the feeling at that very moment in your heart, u know it is countless..

May you all have countless 100th days, I really hope so...

Sunday, June 27, 2010

What's the word?

How do you describe a person who knows something is not right and still does it? knowing that something will harm urself and still does it? knowing that he has tried good 3 weeks to get over something and fall back again in 2 seconds for a phone call?

Is there a more appropriate word than stubborn, silly, stupid, foolish?

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Lonely soul

Sometimes, standing in the street (any street) in Singapore can be emo... Why? cause you see all the couples doing all the things you might get jealous of.. The official word is PDA - public display of affection. Well i dont see wats wrong with it but there r certainly debates over it.. anyway.. i am just emo bout it.

It kinda makes u wonder that are they really that loving to each others. or it is just a show off, which makes sense in this country term.. cause kiasu is the culture.. so it probably work like this,

"dear, why are u not hugging me?"

"but this is the street"

"u see other ppl oso doing wat, u dont luv me izit?"

"oo, okay.. " ~hug obediently...

okay, being sour here.. but i wudnt be surprise if that kind of conversation occurs..

A while ago.. someone commented to me that you dont "seek" the right person, u "meet" it.. frankly, it doesnt makes much different to me cause a gay partner is not someone u can anyhow 'get' from round you, still the 'search' effort has to be there.. be it online or friends friends.. but its just after a while.. u start to think why am i doing this..

answer? cause i am lonely.. i kinda know thats my answer.. but when i think back of the search and meet topic.. i wud wonder if i am doing a right thing.. finding someone to feel my time up? or it is just a trend in big cities, u see all coupkes, it is human nature to find another half.. cause living in a city like this, u hav no worries for jobs, no worries for place to live, for hunger, poverty, safety.. everything is taken up.. everything is fulfilled.. and the only thing left that is not filled up.. the soulmate part?

is everyone lonely? do we all have this moment.. or its just the emo sagi thats making a big deal of it..

a lonely soul.. 3.15am, on a night rider...

Friday, June 25, 2010

I wished it was you, but...

Ever had this feeling:

A person that you love, a person that you knew very well, a person that you understand what he likes, his habit, his temper level, a person that you thought will be the one that share the rest of your life. But... it is not him, things starting to happen that makes you realize that despite you wanted very much, it seems that something is wrong... Despite you keep telling yourself, no, he is the one, the problems can be solved, it is just a matter of making the effort, it is just the matter of both giving in.. You strongly believe things would be okay after trying.. but again and again, you quarrel, you cry, you blame each other, then you say sorry, then you quarrel again... until you feel so tired and at the point you realize, yes.. I know you very well... so well that.. I know we cannot continue... so well that I know.. you, you are not the one... 可惜不是你 ...

A song I knew long ago... Probably like it say I really wished it was you, to be the one with me till the end.. we once walk a same path, but we reached a point that we have to go different ways.. though.. I will always be grateful, that you had once hold my hand and walked the path with me...

Thank you..

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Hairstyle - A Diary

During my first couples of year in Uni, my uni mates always get surprise when they see me back from holiday, cause I tend to do a little soemthing different to my hair.

And as I was looking at some old photos today, I realize I actually cam-whore quite a bit back then.. so took some not-too embarassing ones and also those that mark a stage for my hairstyle back then.

First, I used to keep long hair back then, purpose? to tie it up like ponytail in the pic... but hardly looks like this.. cause I didn't have a good stylist back then.. only the one who cuts for my mom.. and is a disaster..

Then Finally i decided, I want a proper salon, and i am giving up on long hair, that was when I first get a nice 20 bucks haircut.. and I am happy with it..

Then after the break.. I went back to the salon again but this time round.. they give me somethign really shocking...

Feel so "lala" in this haircut... but that only lasted until I wash my hair, after that.. i cud only get somethign like this..

And something cam-whoring... =p

Okay, then fast forward to when I left for shanghai, this is short in the front and long at the back, but obviously my internship manager wasn't impress.. conservative old man.. hmph..

Then that was when I first perm my hair in Shanghai and then I went to Hongkong, I know.. u probably ask, where is the perm right? i got cheated.. simple as that i feel..

This is taken with my new N82.. but actually that was the best haircut i ever had, realie I never take any photo but everyone says it was nice, and it is the first time I dye my hair.. in a nice salon in Shanghai just before i came back.. but too bad, i never took a proper photo, just this..

And lastly.. my highlight.. this was most recent, but many are freaking over it, dad, mom, and not many supportive votes.. so never again I guess..

Now that I look at it.. I think i Like this best.. maybe I shud do this again, big curly and long.. kinda nice by the side look too right?

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A Hug

Something that is definitely not a common action in the Asian culture. We do hug, especially in the gay community but it is more like a friendly, touch-cheek kind of hugs.

Listening to the song, suddenly brings back the memory. During the time when problem arises, one of the things i always do is to ask for a hug from Him... Cause I want to always remember the feeling, the warm of being sheltered and protected by a big guy... Most importantly, I am scared there wont be a next time, that I might never get to hug him again the moment I step out of his door... And it really happen, that hug is probably the very last...

If I ever have meet someone again, I guess i will be more keen to hug him tightly everytime. Don't they say action is worth more than words. It will tell the other how much you really treasure him...


Tuesday, June 22, 2010


On many occasions, i felt some of my colleagues are really negative in their thinking. They think the worse of someone they knew, they look at the negative side of things when someone.. eg. the boss say something ambiguos.. like the boss ask how long ur training will be? they say the boss is complaining their training is too long and the budget is tight, yea well, the next thing he has resigned, as if he cares bout the budget?

I on the other hand seems to like to think the good side, which i remember really pissed my ex off once, tat he got so mad and say why are u finding reason for XXX ... as something happened and it just shows that sometimes there is no harm to take in a little more possibility of people, cause true enuf, not everybody is like what u see.. and not everybody is an angel..

I guess in blogs we have to be anonymous.. so here goes,

T, D and I are best friends when we first joined.. hangout together most of the time and sit near each other... and then there came the admin assistant J whom we also had a good time talking to.

Soon, J was to have her baby delivered but due to her foreigner status, things were difficult for her and she loan money around, some from me but a huge amount from D, actually through his credit card. At that point, D has doubt because the amount was huge, and after the birth, she delayed her payment a few times. So it drag on...

Then it came to a time where we were joining a different team, thus new sittings and different work hour set us apart. I still keep in close touch with T. As for D, he has been doing something that was rather annoying and people in the company somehow grew to dislike him, T tried to advice him but he took no notice. So we talked lesser and lesser.

Until recently, D ask us to chat again, cause he had problem with collecting money from J. SO T and I spend a evening listening to D, talking and giving him advice. It seems things have been okay and we were talking like old days. Then... few days later, D happily told us that J help him got SIA for his flight to US instead of the US airline, and also J help him speed up his process to get his AMEX card much before anyone else. So he was happily believing J is helping him a lot. And he doesn't mind J delayed her repayment again anymore.

And then, yesterday, when T who was also going to the US trip was checking the nth time with J if her AMEX card is ready, J say is in the process, which could mean anything and they are flying off this friday. So T called up herself to AMEX to check and D was there. T was told they could have collected themselves if it is really urgent. The next thing T saw was J sending her mails telling her she is not following the right process and she shouldn't have called up AMEX. T hasn't even done anything. Guess who is the big mouth?

D obviously was returning the favour to J, or maybe trying to strenghtening their "bonds" by sharing their little secrets. I was totally furious when T told me this, how could D has sell out his best friend ( or at least the remaining friend who is still willing to talk to him when everyone else is ignoring him.. ) for exchange for a SIA flight... Sometimes, I always thought he is nice and even if he does selfish things, he meant no harm to others, but this time round, selling out your best friend, I really could not see myself ever trusting him again...

Traitor.. Sometimes, it is really worth to think a little bad of someone, you just never can be too careful...

Monday, June 21, 2010

Different people, One Language

I woke up yesterday morning to realize I had a message from a friend the previous night for a chat, but i was asleep. Realize the next day that he has a problem with his girlfriend.

Spend a dinner catching up and listening to his story. Then in between I was sharing my own story... The weird thing, both stories actually has their similarities. And my friend says that it seems in relationships problems are the same. In a way, I guess when problem arise, you can say 2 person have their differences, different in expectations and each believing they are right, from this point, yes, in general, that's how we all fall in and out of love. We start to admire someone, get charmed by his manner, his apperance, his humour... Then we get together, we start to know more about each other. Now the cruel part is when u see more of what you don't like. The next step? To try to tolerate, if it works, you love him a lot you go on, if it doesn't, go to step "the-end". Even sometimes you might think you are willing to accept him as he is, but after soemtime, you might find urself enduring in pain, living a life you dont really want and grudging.. then? Go to step "the-end"

It was a nice chat, I wasn't so much as giving advice.. but i guess just sharing our experience, and i learn to see my own relationship or think about it from a different perspective.. it is surprising how a straight and a gay guy can chat so freely... I am really starting to like this friend more and more (in a friendly way of course).

Straight, Gay, we all need love, we all seek love. We all get trapped by love, we laugh, we cry, we suffer from the pain, we get over and start again. I guess that's because we are all emotional beings, though we are different, we still speak the same language, language of LOVE..

Sunday, June 20, 2010

The 2 Ls

One of the best part in Sex and The City 2 is the opening, my favourite part at least, with this song repeating the "New York" and introducing the girls back then and now... it was really creative and cool!

So as many says, Sex and The City is for woman and gay, which i guess fair enough, the rest can go watch world cup. I was woke up in the middle of nite again, like 3am and wondering what should I do... end up i try to look for this movie on some streaming website as it keep popping into my mind after I read a few pages of the book in the book shop the previous day and also maybe i was trying to have something funny to chill... but instead of 2, I got Sex and The City, the first movie. That's cool too, it was only last year I watch it with Someone... Anyway, i remember it was really funny... So 2 and a half hours until this morning...

Carrie says, many young women goes to New York for 2 L, Labels and Love. Says the same for gays isn't it? Okay, maybe some prefer to say: "No, I am not into relationship" fair enough they can take Lust for the other "L" like Samantha. I was watching the movie and I realize there are many heart touching scenes than I remember like how the best friends stands up for each other, how heart breaking it was when she was dump at the wedding... something i didn't notice when I first watched...

The 2 Ls, first L for Labels. Or vanity... I guess being gay, as far as I have seen, most if not all appreciate beauty, be it on oneself or things around us, or the guy u are after, it is just a matter of to what extend it is important. But definitely it is there. So sometimes I wonder, why am I going to gym? I even doubt, is it because I am in Singapore that I am more particular about being in shape. Well, the answer seems to be the Yes and No. I mean I want to look good, it is like you want to make sure at least when a guy crosses u and you are into him, at least you too catch his eyes. But being here, or maybe any other big cities, wanting to be good is not enough, it is like you HAVE to be good, you HAVE to look good. Why? cause everyone else are good, if you are not, you loose in competition, it is like having a bad resume or soemthing... well always exception, like unless u are worth millions, then it is another story. But something i learned from the movies or the few pages of the book i have read, if u cannot change it (obviously), just live with it. It is just like, you might not like your boss, but your job is paying u bloody well, you will still happily do it and take the paycheck. Live is never perfect, we just have to live with it... That's the Label you have to carry, to be something someone is after... that's being gay..

Then the 2nd L,

Louise from St'Louis has found it, then she gave the keychain to Carrie and Carrie got back her Mr.Big too..

Have you found yours? Or are you even looking for it? If they can find love in New York, why should one give up here?

I know i can love, and i know i want it... so all I need now is just... The KEYCHAIN ?

Friday, June 18, 2010

On self recovery

One of the most true-ish sayings, time heals. But personally i think it shud be followed by "but scar will always be there.." but time does heal

Or put it in another way is life goes on no matter wat happen. Being sagi, the usual crying out to friends, getting emo and down for the days.. but also being sagi, it seems we are always ready to take someone new into our life. Many claims sagi are "flower heart" as they call it in chinese meaning to "multi-date", but somehow i think we only move on fast, but when are are lock on to someone, it will be him and just him and even forever, well until something bad happens that is...

3 days of recovery seems fair i guess.. not that i did anything.. basically just falling really sick, so work and sleep, and in between one breakfsst and one dinner with colleagues, other time sleeping on my bed or resting on my work desk.. i am just to sick to even do anything.. but at least the heart feel more peaceful now..

though deep down. i know there are things i wudnt want to tocuh on, at least not now, i wont want to on my fb to see couples being happily together.. nor do i dare to think bout the person who made me feel bad.. maybe for now.. just hanging out with friends.. and preparing for my bro uni.. finally the big guy got into it.. phew..

the only relief is probably there are still many caring friends around which i am really grateful off.. my best colleague.. who i really owe a lot for hearing me crying out.. and listening to me and having dinner with me all nite.. and also a total new friend, who is kind enough to make soup, deliver it early in the morning with fruit juice and fruits.. i really cudnt be more grateful.. u are a saint.. truly generous person..

time heals.. but its gonna take a while..

Monday, June 14, 2010


All the while, i thought maybe i just havent met the right person... but i realize, the problem is with me... something i wished and wished no matter how hard i tried, is till dun get it, but others just hit it off and got it within days...

Obviously the problem is with me... from my ex, to all the encounters... the reason i was never important, is becaue i am not worth it... i am just a worthless person, thats why i dun deserve it...

i am worth nothing... thats why i never get it no matter how hard i tried... thats why i dun deserve it...


Sunday, June 13, 2010


Somehow i feel i really need to get away from this part of life i am leading... it is really mentally tiring.. very very tiring...

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Lemon Grass - Sweetness amidst Sour

I went to see a flat in Chinatown, which really has a good location and is the studio kind of apartment, something that I really would like to try living in. Furthermore it is 2 train station away from my company. And it is like 3 minutes walk to the street that house Play, Taboo, Tantric, DYMK... (The local gay clubs and bar). So it is really nice... Except the agent kinda seems to be the gangster kind (you would start to think hmm.. okay so this is chinatown), totally different from those I have previously encountered, dressed smartly in ties and shirts. Lucky i get one of my friend to accompany me.. =s

Though after chatting with them while waiting for the owner (an old uncle) I feel they are also on proper business, and they ask for reasonable agent fee... But.. the old uncle didn't turn up or answer call.. which was pretty annoying.. =s

So appointment on Monday again.. hopefully it goes well.. but then I have to figure out how to talk to my housemates... sigh... another tricky part..

The rest of the days were spent with my friends, I seem to really have a phobia being alone, I have practically cram my entire weekend to make sure I have lots to do, all day occupied... Maybe that's how i can take my mind away from the silly thoughts...


A song that I previously loved, these contest version was even better than the original when they do it in duet. I fall in love with it again...

"是不是回忆就是淡淡柠檬草 心酸里又有芳香的味道"

Is memory like the aroma of lemon grass? With a little sweetness amidst the sour taste... (It is a painful ending, but if there were not happiness, would we be so reluctant to let go? How true is this...)


Friday, June 11, 2010

It's like musical chair

For those who have watched Sex And The City... i guess u wud be familiar with this quote... it was funny when Samantha said it at the gay wedding, but come to think of it, it is a cruel thing that is happening in real life. Many gays who have reached the age of 40 and above seems to have given up on finding true love, and settling with fun mates, sex buddy... and is like they wont even be choosy, but rather whatever is leftover.. except this time round, u wudn't want to be the one to be able to get a chair.. (okay, the exception wud be a guy at this age is loaded or has a good look and bod, the options might be more, but still.. its hardly emotional love right?)

Recently i have encounter guys who says things like " you r really nice or cute or good, but..." why must there be a "but" ... i feel so substandard... although I always hear TV programs encouraging ppl that your confidence shud come from yourself, but recently... i keep feeling it comes from when others approves u... and knowing that the guy u like has finally met a guy who he clicks really makes it all feel really bad.. although i have been wishing that he will encounter someone he really likes, but still.. i know some part i was hoping it cud be me being the someone.. and now finally it happened, that someone is not me.. it all seems so silly and idiotic...

I am such a failure in this. i really dun wan to be the last in the musical chair... but after all that had happen, i am starting to doubt if there is something wrong with myself...

Thursday, June 10, 2010

American Express

Okay, not exactly something to boast about, I mean it is not even the original American Express card, but still.... It is my First Amex.. Yay!!!

Although to be honest, i really dunno whats so special bout Amex apart from the requirement is not low.. i mean the benefits and all that.. still havent read through their brochures but i guess there must be some previlege somewhere.. i guess?

Anyway.. so i thought this should be a day to remember, something like a milestone in my career, my vry first Amex card. And when i saw the credit limit UOB gives me, my first thought was.. 'w.t.f. citibank' so yup... i am planning to shift my salary account to UOB soon, cause citi sucks..

My very first Amex card... ^^

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Is this me?

This is definitely one of my favourite songs from Jolin. 妥协 (tuo xie) which means giving in to something or someone.

The story depicted by the lyrics is pretty straightforward, it is about a lover who keep changing oneself to please the other and also giving in to the other person's demand, never once daring to deny, because of the fear of losing him.

How often do we fall blindly in love? We thought we have found the best guy in the whole world, and keep giving in all our love and life and changing ourselves to please him. Until eventually when we look at ourselves and wonder, I dun look like myself... Sometimes when i think back of my previous relationship, until the time he was telling what he doesn't like about me... I realize the way he describe me, I feel like saying, no, you don't know me.. ask any of my friends.. but then i realize, it is true.. it is true when I am with him, I am not myself... because I tried too hard to impress, to go with his way...

But what do we get in the end? We get a person who thinks we are still not good enough, we can never keep him cause we were never worth anything to them. We try to keep the other person, to tie him to ourselves, but realize we are the one being tied, we have tied ourselves down to a person and not daring to venture out to seek who is really worth it.

Love is mutual, i guess when you don't feel it, maybe it is time to think if you are giving it to the right person.

Ccompromising is a sign of love, but giving in, seems to say more about selfishness...

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

About Craving

Different times, I realize I have a strong craving for something. (Well, there are also some that is always there.. e.g. cute guys)

And the most recent has to be a place to myself. I am not the kind who enjoy living alone, like I said, I am not a loner, I dun enjoy being alone in peace and quiet most of the time. I like to be with someone, be it a friend, family or lover, I really enjoy being with someone who I can talk to.. or even just quietly do out own things but I know someone is around..

However, recently I have a strong feeling to move out of my current apartment (shared by 6). It is really crowded and my bad fengshui rooms has really made me feel like I should really get somewhere else. And I really need more private space, all the more now I need to sleep in day, noon time. But somehow my roomie would be around in the evening.. or saturday morning when I am just back from work.. So... all the more I feel like shifting.

And I have been eye-ing on the kind of 1 room 1 living apartment in Singapore and near the town (so it will be near my work place). It's gonna cost around 800-1000 per unit looking at the current market rate. To be frank my ideal rate is 550-700, but judging by the rate now, it seems really mission impossible.. which really makes me feel like if it is 750 i shud take it.. Should I? I really need a good place, a good bed, a good environment to sleep in.. and I dun want to share with someone, I suddenly have this craving to own the whole place to myself.

But.. is this a bit too expensive? spending so much on a 1 room apartment? Argh... I dunno.. but i really need one..

Monday, June 7, 2010

Can you resist?

Obviously yes, but I was too easily swayed...

It all started from this...
This is my very first bottle of perfume, or eau de toilette... It was given to me by my ex which was a very meaningful gift as I was about to start my first office job. And I have no idea how to use a perfume so he was the one who thought me, and many more things... And now after almost a year later.. this bottle is almost finished.. So i have been thinking of getting another bottle..

And then, this one has always been in my mind, Kenzo Powere, because it is a gift I have given to him last christmas... except there were some unexpected occasion... well.. anyway, the aroma was really nice so I have always remembered it.

So yesterday, I saw it at a mall... there were some promotion so I got attracted...

This little bottle cost $89... the promotion is a gift for purchase of $150 and above so i was looking around but the other perfumes all cost 80 plus and above... I wanted it, but no point buying so many right?

As I was about to give up, I saw this cute thingy...

It's a set of 3 kenzo flower perfume!! it comes in 3 miniature of different design, and it cost $65 which was actually the lowest available item... so naturally I got this...

So this is the gift set...
An aftershave, a shower/shampoo, a 10ml Kenzo power.. and my friend who was there with me help me talked the sales girl into giving 3 samples of different fragrance.. (i know it is not much but still, it's pretty cool!)

It definitely isn't the best bargain, I have spend about $154 for all the above, but well... i was kinda blinded by the free gifts again... It just isn't that easy to resist right?

or it is just me.. =s

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Social Life

When i first started night shift, social life was a term that didn't really mean that much to me.. i was thinking in mind that hmm... 80 bucks a nite.. why not? weekend i can always go to clubs or late movies...

But as time goes.. things have changed, as i try to meet more people, i realize that social life must at least means u have common time with ur social circle... or friends in simple.. Just over the weekend was a good example how i have to squeeze my sleep hours and jumble them up to make it possible to meet up with friends.. but it is really worth it.. to get to meet up with friends who can click, it is really worth sscrificing the sleep..


Someone was asking, so how was ur date on sunday.. the bad side, well, something i thought had changed and expect wasn't quite as it seems.. the good side, but it didn't felt as bad as the last time.. i wont go to the extend of saying i am happy being just friends, afterall there is a reason i am still willing to go out on date, but after going thru different encounters, i realize pushing it wont help either, maybe just go on like this and see f anything will happen? not that i dont get other dates.. (okay, this is sounding a bit sour and bitchy.. =p)

o well...

Saturday, June 5, 2010

After ~Happily Ever After~

Whenever I go for a movie, the main thing that I seek is a good laugh. Cause being one of the emo people... I know i cannot stand sad movies, neither am I very good with horror, or heavy storylines. The sad encounters in life is something we cannot avoid, so when it comes to entertainment like movies, I make sure my choice is a happy one, thus comedy.. ( or fictions like those with million dollar scenes are also worth it )

This is obviously not just for "a" laugh...

Basically i laugh through the entire movie, okay, there are parts where the story gets heavy with problems in their life, but it hardly last you a minute before another stupid thing happens to make u laugh again.

Lots of gay scenes in the movie, which seems to be on purpose.. could be a special thank to the fans? And of course you get to see many hunks too, which is truely eye candy for girls and gays. But too bad they dun seem to have a dick scene like the previous one.. =p

I suppose one of the plot in the story is about how Carrie went through to learn the meaning of a "marriage". The part of life after her single, glamorous fashion-label life, the part of life after all the romantic datings, the part of life after the dramatic and touching wedding, the part of life, after "happily ever after"... So as it says, there is no "model" or "ideal" life as we imagine, but a life worked out for both. It reminds me of a week, where I stay at my ex's place. Okay, it is different from a marriage, hardly even near cause we know there is an end, but I was just trying to point out how hard it is.. even for a week.

I still remember I happily "give up" my chance to go home, and told him I need to stay back for my project so I can go to his place as he did suggest too. First day, second day was good, the family was nice enough to welcome me as a family.. But as it moves to 3rd and 4th day, I can start to feel a bit of uncomfortable with him. The subsequent days, it gets really obvious he was annoyed, cause he lost his time to do his own things. I thought it would be nice to see each other more and spend some quality time together, and I thought we are comfortable with each other "privacy" . but it turns out he enjoys his own time and space. He cannot even do his work out with me sitting in the same room..

Well, I guess that's one of the reason what it is now, we dunno each other well, we are not comfortable with each other's way of life. But most importantly, there is no intention for compromising, Carrie gave in, so did Big.. they eventually learn what each other wants but also stated clearly that how things can never be exactly the same... and both agree on it.. for us, we didn't have the chance to reach that point that we can compromise.. or maybe, it wasn't meant to reach that point at all...

Anyway.. it is a thought, at least I know whoever comes next, I should be much better prepared for him...

If you are a true gay, you should watch this. I don't see why you wont love it..

Friday, June 4, 2010

Bad Karma

This is again superficial and shallow... but... in my own defense, there is really no feel for it.. nor sparks.

Once again, it just prooves meeting friends online is a difficult thing.. the baseline is you must not hate each other when u first see in real.. but to really get into something, it requires both to "see" something they fancy on the other.. and i really mean the word see, cause for a start, it always seems u need to be attracted to something on the other person.. i am not saying that personalities and charactweristics dun count.. but generally the first thing always seems to be appearance. Okay, its superficial..

Sometimes even i feel bad when the feeling of talking to someone changed after u have seen him in real.. cause i have experienced that myself and i know it is not pleasant, in fact i know it hurts my own feeling.. my own confidence a lot.. but when it happens the other way round, i feel that i know the feeling is not right, there wont be anythig on going so why shudn't i be frank right? .. so somehow i feel i can understand why others is doing it to me.. cause the expectations was different.. and u really cannot alter ur own feeling..

However one party is still hurt in these situations... and no matter how valid a reason is.. it somehow feels bad.. and i am sure thats when bad karma must be accumulated and hit back the next time.. =(

Thursday, June 3, 2010

About taking advantage

I was thinking of this term and that it sounds like it is catching some opportunity, which can't be too bad. But actually the situation I had in mind in my encounter is suppose to be cheapo and very non-professional.

A few of my colleague will be travelling to US for a training. SO the company is writing them letters to get visa. This paarticular guy who already owns a visa due to his previous travelling actually asked for the letter too. And guess what he is using that for? to apply for Canadian long-term visa. When i heard this from my best friend at the office.. we were saying wtf.. cause this is so unprofessional and taking the advantage of company opportunity for his own personnel matters. And all the more we feel bad cause the colleague used to be a close friends.. but as tiem moves.. we found out more and more... "cheapo" act of his. Like he was making excessive claims on shifts until he gets warning from the boss, he complains he is not getting cash in advance although he already has a coorperate AMEX card for the trip (I mean how poor are you seriously). And the most annoying part, he keep bugging my best friend about travel plans while my best friend hasn't even got her visa approve, honestly, which is more critical?

Okay.. side tracked... my company has a lot of really nice policies for us, but the thing is it gets misused very often, like we do not need MC if it is only 1 day. This itself, one of my fellow teammates has been off at least 3-4 times every month. *average once a week. Because we work at nite and it is not obvious.

When you think about it, the reason the company is having this kind of "good" policies is because of its trust for employees.. but people like those keep taking advantage of it. I mean someday they are just gonna force the HR to change it all to suit the "local" culure. Because of these people..


Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Sleep - A Luxury

Okay, i know i am not some busy highly important people which i dun have time to sleep.. in fact i have lots... its just i dun have the environment..

I was early for work and walking around the mall i usually have my toastbox dinner, bump into the auntie from the shop and the first thing she said to me was " You look really tired.. "

I thought i look in the mirror earlier before going to work and thought my hair was pretty okay and look lengzai.. but seems like the lack of sleep for the past few days is starting to show.. sigh... this time round like they say, "sek gei doh dou bou mm fan".. cham...

Sleeping well seems like a luxury now... i need a private space.. even without aircon but at least a comfy room and bed.. *sniff sniff*

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


At times, I guess we all appreciate a moment of peace and quiet, enjoying the silent moment that makes us calm and relax...

But at some times too, silent can be a very unpleasant feeling. Especially when you are waiting for something...


Maybe when someday we are the one having the privilege to be the one choosing to be silent, we should really be more thoughtful of it...