Last Day of 2009 : CountDown

This is how we are going to do it!



I will keep the "Happy New Year" wishes for tomorrow entry :P

Second Overtime

Hmm... not really interested to write about another overtime, but too tired to think of anything interesting today, mind is totally blank now... and just never quite expected I will have to stay again today, gosh am I jinxed for saying I dun mind yesterday :P

We were actually doing alignments for the powerpoint slides... Then i have to prepare for a presentation tomorrow... Nervous leh... then my colleague took this photo,



Well... obviously pretending.. =p (btw, these 2 are my favourite colleague, the MIT genious and the cute cute burmese =P ) and the photographer is the prettiest girl in our team ^^

But smartphone is really convenient nowadays, the moment she took this and it is on facebook already...

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Yesterday night i was looking for JJ's song and came accross this one on youtube. Initially I was only listening to the songs and then i was like "wow, this is nice.."
So i decided to watch the MV.. Shucks, is a sad one... should have avoided it.. ( yea i was being emo again at nite... haih..)

First Overtime

Well, when I say first here, I mean first overtime that is like 4 hours after the time I should leave which is 10pm. Basically 6-8pm is not so much of overtime but rather it is like a norm in Singapore, it is call finishing your work. (But if u really look at how the American count hours by hours of OT, i suppose you wouldn't think this is reasonable anymorw, but then again that's why we are taking away their jobs.. well.. ) And on a side note, i know 10pm is still early by "someone" or some profession's standard. (just adding this line in case someone is reading and dun think i am whining for working "just" until 10pm)

But in fact i am not really writing about how I really don't feel bad about it. I mean my previous job, even if i only have to stay until 7pm my face would have been somewhat "blackish". It is really the kind of company, the people, the environment that they have establish that makes employee willing to work more. It really felt good because my team mates where there, and I actually left an hour later just to help out my colleagues to finish off their part ( really not showing off in case you are thinking so.. ), but i just feel happy to be able to help.

And sometimes, being overloaded with work is good too in a way... keep my mind busy with something and by the time i reach home, i am just too hungry and tired to think too much...

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The only down side is i dun have much food option left, and guess what, my birthday cake save my life! or stomach to be more precise, except the cake was 2 fridays ago :P and we actually never cut and eat it until just last Sunday, still i only eat MY birthday cake like 9 days later... :S

Deli makes quite good strawberry cake, except like my housemate say, u cant really tell if the sourness of the strawberry cream is natural or....

Vanity

This is the reason why Gym Business is Singapore is doing so well.

Needless to say, in our little world, this is like a minimum requirement to be considered above average. Unless you have a super cute-celebrity face like lee-hom. Then maybe you will be exception. Even someone would say I am not good enough (fine, i know i dun have a hot bod (or anywhere near), which is why i am considering Gym now OKAY!)

But set aside that, I still remember the first day of our work, we were thought about grooming and how to look well to impress to let others remember you. So it is easy for others to remember you. (well.. in some way i managed that =P ) That shows how important (vain) the working culture here is, that you have to look like model to be successful. Not to mention about being popular with your friends and being the hottie that everyone comes after..

So because of that, Gym here can charge really expensive member fees. I am torn between signing for monthly giro of $85 for a duration of 1 year or 1 lum sum of $1710 for a 30 months plan (which i am really reluctant because that's a pretty huge amount and i am kinda planning to buy a nice phone =( ).

Sigh... sometimes when I think of it, i wonder why I want to go to gym, well actuallyu i kinda have the answer, 1) because he like fit guys, although i know now is too late, but still my pride kinda keep telling me be fit, so no one can pick you on that ever again, 2) I am living in this little vain world, if i want to be attractive and to be the one being come after, I need this, 3) they say there are lots of xxx guys in Gym.. Ahem... okay 3) is definitely not why I am going. Nope..

But frankly 1700 for 30 months and 85 per month for a year... Either way i am spending extra to look good... I am so Damn VAIN!

sigh... who do I want to impress anyway..

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.. but when I open my eyes, you're gone...



But I do do feel, that I too too will, miss you much...

Fear, Again..

Just when I was watching some talk show on youtube, there was this part where they were talking about what kind of songs for Christmas. A girl mentioned a song by Eason Chen, 陳奕迅-聖誕結. Which is actually a sad song I came to realize when the girl elaborated that one year, she broke up with her boy friend on Christmas Day (This is.. !?!) and keep listening to this song.

The moment she said that, the first thought that came to my mind was "Fast Forward, Fast Forward!!!" I actually become so sensitive to it and my mind reflectively telling myself to avoid anything like that, all the sad songs..

Especially when I am alone at home, I keep on searching for funny videos, talk show to watch just to keep my mind off the thoughts, but soemtimes, fate is just cruel... Or maybe, it is just people like us are sensitive and we tend to see the things and relate to ourselves one way or another... ='(

I am still very scare... even till now...

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For the lonely hearts, may all will never be lonely again in all the Christmas to come..

Uncertainty

We like each other, but we cannot be together?

We probably don't know if we are saying soemthing true, if you like someone deep down in your heart, you probably would not want to let go, but if actually say you should stop it, does that mean we really want a change?

I am truely confused which I believe you are too. We have been bringing some dissapoinment to each other, we have upset each other because of our own expectations, but some part of us ( or at least me ) feels that this is the person I want to be with, this is the person i want to love. This is the person I don't want to let go even till now I have proposed it... But I really have no choice, my expectation is driving me to become some annoying pathetic love-attention hungry person.. It is simply hurting our relationship more than bringing happiness to either...

I can only hope that maybe this will give us a true feeling of if we really need each other, want each other and willing to tolerate and change for each other...

You have once asked me if I have any happy memory with you. Yes I do, in fact it was something I feel proud of and written this. The following journal was written 2 days before valentine (except it is in chinese), wonder if you remember this, it is just one of the moments back then... That was the time I felt i was the luckies person in the whole world. You were the one who gave me all that, which is why I have grew so attached to you.

There ARE happy moments and you gave them to me..

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12-Feb-2009

我和他

两个简单的代词，诉说了无数个故事，因为每个人都可以是“我和他”。这些故事，或许在外人的眼里可能是平平无奇，乏味之极，可是对当事人总有一些特别的意义。

常常会想把我和他的事写在部落格里，因为从未有那么开心过，但就是提不起劲。一直到那一段小趣事...

他："Shall we get water?"
我：“Yup, sure”
他：“Or you want bubble tea”
我：“Both are fine, but i think we should get a water”
他：“Okay, but if u really want we can get 2 bubble teas”
我：“没关系啦，反正我会抢你的来喝的”
他：“谁要给你喝！Bubble tea 是我的，你喝水!”
我：“我一定会抢的 =P”
他：“不可以!”

他的中文不大好，但或许是迁就我的关系，他还是很喜欢用那怪怪腔调的中文。我常常逗着他玩 =P
接着，我们就买了零食，水和bubble tea，他选了一枝细的吸管,然后问我说:

他：“Do you know why i choose a thinner straw?”
我：“Err, cause we didn't have 珍珠 inside the tea?” (我们都不喜欢珍珠,只要奶茶 =P)
他：“不是, I choose a thinner straw, so you wont drink so fast, 明白吗,你这只猪...”

他带着胜利的笑容望着我...

我：“哦...原来你有打算让我喝噢!!”(到我笑了)
他呆了一会儿(想起自己刚刚说的话),然后..
他：“你不可以...不可以...”
我：“讲英文吧!”(我再笑他)
他：“You cannot trap me!!! Haha, how did you know i couldn't find the word”

一些小小的事情,但不懂为何让我很有冲动要记下来.接下来就会和他度过自己第一个情人节,虽然没有华丽的礼物,豪华餐厅,只是简简单单的在家中度过,却仍然很期待.

祝大家也会有个愉快的一天,懂得珍惜,天天都可以是情人节,天天都可以很开心...

A Christmas that I will always remember... Till the day I Die

This is a Christmas, that I will always remember till the day i leave this world...

It hurts, even though we have said it, even though you have asked me if I really feel better doing that, My real answer is no. Even at this moment, I am still not comfortable with the idea that we are no longer together...

But I really feel this is the only way... for now...

I took this picture, because i know you don't like to be seen publicly.. but this picture will represent you (your coffee) and me ( my green tea).



I am not sure about what will happen in the future, but I will try to grow up... Let fate take it from here...

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The view on Mount Faber:



Had a Asahi and it was good enough to give me a headache... sleepy now...

Fear

It's Christmas Eve, but somehow i don't feel peace and happiness.



I know i am not a devoted Christian. But if god loves everyone, can i make this little wish... May we be blessed with happiness henceforth.

1st Anniversary

Thanks for bearing with my less-than-mature act today.

I keep on insisting to meet up even i knew you are occupied by your work. I know you probably mind we get spotted, which is why you tell me to meet at the MRT station. *I maybe a bit stubborn sometimes but I know my limits =) . I know you feel today is ridiculous, that why I insist on seeing you, it is just a present. But it really meant a lot to me. This is my first ever 1st anniversary with someone. Although I know you probably don't feel so much, as you have said, you don't really feel we are in a bf-bf kind of relationship. So technically it doesn't count as our 1st anniversary. But you probably cannot deny that we first met at this date, 23rd December 2009. It was only a met up but we have already felt "This is the person I won't want to miss" (at least back then it was like that). And in someway, you haven't break up with me, so we are still together in someway.

I remember you like the perfume, you once told me, and i remember. The perfume is also for modern men, which i feel really suits you. Professional with a touch of young and style, the muskiness and citrusy aroma. Furthermore it won the Men's Health choice of Perfume for the year. So it is just your kind of things :)

Seeing you still stir up many feelings. In someway, it makes me see more differences between us, like how I know myself still long for the kind of possesive, passionate love. But I can feel you are at a different level, you seek mature, independent in your partner. Someone who deosn't exhaust you for attention. But I am just not there yet... I still havent experience the kind of relationship that you are crazily in love with someone and so is the other crazy about you. I still like the kind of passionate, silly things as couple can do together. I am really not at your level yet...

But on the other hand, every little thing that you do, i still cannot ignore it, like how tired you are, every single message, call makes my heartbeat increase...

I really don't know what's next, i really don't know.. Because I know you and me, we both wont give way...

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Cool Man...

Calm down, take a deep breath, smile.. Eeee

Okay, that was meant for myself. I realize recently i am losing my patience with people. Especially when I am on the train back to bukit batok today. People here keep squeezing and squeezing until practically it is like can Sardine. But still the most annoying thing is when the train reaches Bukit Batok, the people wouldn't bother going out and letting you move out, as if they are affraid once they go out their "place" or "space" will be taken. But you are hindering the people inside moving out, and then there are people who boards too and the bloody train only stops for like 20 seconds. Seriously, 20 seconds... i am willing to bet any old lady who wants to alight there will probably have to take a detour at Kranji ( which is 4 stops more) before she can squeeze out of the train.

The point is when it happen again this evening, my face become really "black". Meaning i was showing an unpleasant face and even when i am out of the train i still carry that expression as if daring anyone to continue blocking me. Come to think of it, i don't used to be like this. I mean i am not the kind that really get annoyed so easily and then show faces to people who are somewhat 'innocent'. I mean i am not Singaporean, I dun wan to be like that lady (obviously local) who stand so close to me this morning because she is affraid she couldn't squeeze into the train and when I move back a bit because the people are moving out and accidentally step on her ( probably just collide, not even stepping on it) she give me the irritating face as if i have slap her. I mean I have said sorry and she still stare angrily at me (So typical...) Then I thought, fine, i have apologize and i dun have eyes behind me, afterall YOU have attitude problem.

I really should remind myself more to remember how I used to be, always remember to smile, it makes u happy and best of all, it makes everyon around Happy. I mean take the morning example, if she have smile and say never mind, i would have felt, what a kind and forgiving lady, and that makes my day. Instead of now she is being label as "unfriendly-singapore-style-lady" who disgrace her country. Frankly, if u accidentally step on someone in Malaysia, likely they will also say sorry cause they thought they are walking too slow/fast. But here, what will happen is they will stare grudingly at you as if you broke their leg.

People in this little island are simply too pampered, not forgiving, think they are the smartest, never apology, arrogant and well... fake friendly. If you are their boss or a westerners, likely they will smile a lot at you and even if you slap them they will probably pretend you waved your hand too hard.

But it is probably not their fault, the culture here, the workiing stress, they rushing, face pace life, it all makes you loose your patience. I really should remind myself to stay cool and always be happy, it is really good for myself, to be happier and it makes other people's day. So Why not smile?

Cooooool Man...

Special Day

I suppose everyone has dates that are important to them. Like Birthday for instance. There are events that happen in the past that we feel it is important to remember (and to celebrate?) in years to come. I stress the word "Important" yea, it is special because of the meaning behind it. It is also important because people "remember" it existance. Sometimes we might be too occupied or take things for granted that we tend to ignore these special moments that we once cherrish. We might be busy or we could be occupied for that particular time of a subsequent year, but it really reflects how concern one is about certain things.

Will you remember this day? I have already hinted...