KL: Love Story

Definitely not my affair, i mean story... But within a short 2 day trip, something I see that has given some thoughts..

The two days in KL, my cousin brother offered us to stay at his place because it is near IMU and secondly they are free to drive us around. So my mom accepted the offer instead of my Cititel proposal. (Which was a really bad decision because 3 of us ended up having to squeeze on 2 bedsheet together in my cousin brothers room with him and his gf, due to some unforeseen circumstances, but it was a crap one) O, well...

Anyway, this is the first time I seen my cousin's gf, which actually is kinda awkward, for her, for us. Not that we dun like her or anything but simply because everyone (including herself) is councious that she was there because my cousin dumped his 8 year relationship gf for her. She approach my cousin and say that she doesn't mind being the 3rd party.

Is she prettier than the previous? My mom, everyone else says yes.. but ermm... not exactly to me i guess, (but then again, you are asking a gay guy, so expect standard to be really high) Is she friendly, nope, definitely not as the ex. Is she nice to my cousin? Maybe.. maybe she knows how to pleased and control him and make him choose her over the ex? Or maybe my cousin is simply bored with the ex..

Well anyway, I am just trying to point out that there isn't much comparison to be done. No one triumphs 100% over the other. But the winner is obvious in this game. In fact who is the one that should be blame? From a monogamous relationship point of view, my cousin bro. But from a emotional point of view, i guess no one? So what if my cousin bro never ask for break up? His heart has already cross the boundary.. he is no longer a loyal and faithful soulmate to her.. Even if he remains, does the heart really accept him as he is? For my cousin, I have seen the way he speaks to his ex and the new girl. The former, like talking to his assistant, or the kind of man who is bored with the wife. The latter, light voice, light tone, cooing words, sweet jokes and teasing each other... It is obvious that the ex is no longer the one he cares or bother if she is happy or not. The new one is everything in his life, the ex.. probably just a guilty feeling that is keeping him beside her and once a while, hugging her as if saying, "I am sorry babe, but i really dun love you anymore, thanks for your 8 years of companion, for being with me when I just came out to work, for living with me even when I am earning only 800 a month, when I only have a bike, for going through the most difficult time. Now that I am doing well, earning more than 4k a month, i have my own car, I really hope I could share all these with you, but my heart tells me you are not the one..."

That's it... 8 years. And that particular nite, I woke up in the middle of the nite (cause my nite shift effect) and saw the new girl turn over and hug my cousin, then my cousin hugs the girl tightly back. I love to ask my ex to hug me too. Yup, i have to "ask" for it. Looking at what happen to my cousin, it kinda makes me wonder, sometimes I like a person because he is good looking, he is the "kind" of guys I like, but most of the time, when i say "kind" i am still rather superficial, it means how he looks. And to them, probably I am not too bad, but not the best either. And since I am readily available... why not? But just like how easily the ex can be replaced.. You are never treasured, even if you give all your heart, your life to that person... But you never own his heart...

Someone once did that, he hugs me tightly after I came back from Malaysia, maybe he thought it was a relief that the bus didn't crash, or he really misses me a lot at that time. Whichever reason, the hug was real.. a tight and compassionate hug that makes me thought I was the luckiest person... Maybe it was my mistake that i never notice that doesn't happen anymore.. that something is fading... Maybe hugging you is a good sign that he still loves you...

I guess from now on, I will fall for a guy who hugs me even if i never ask for it... this at least shows that he really wants to own me, in some way?