Different Phases

On my gay-social-networking accounts, i get a relatively larger response from guys (or as i usually call them kids) younger than me, mostly in the range of 18-21.. which is something i feel really helpless. Okay, maybe i do look young but if they bother to read my profile, they would know i am already 24 (actually 25 this december..) . I dun wan to openly write down that i am not interested in guys younger than me cause what happen if there is a really really cute one? (then maybe there will be exception =p ) But generally saying, it is a no. Cause like how i have been through, and i know it takes time to learn may things in life, in relationship. Even i am still learning, what more for them who are just barely of age.. It is really about mentality.

I still remember when i was around 18. I met a guy online who is really handsome but he wasn't keen at all because partly i am a kid and secondly he seeks financial independent. Well.. so everyone has to go through this phase. (Having a rich uncle looking after you is another story.. they are after young kids anyway..)

Sometimes when i think a kid is cute or he really makes an effort to write a nice mail, i would open up his profile and check. Being in Singapore, u will be surprise how mature kids nowadays are (maybe i am from small town, so it is a culture shock for me). I mean they openly says they want fun, sex etc etc.. But there are also the normal ones, which reminds me of myself, how optimistic i was, how naive i was, to dream of looking for a guy to "take care of me". This phrase, is probably one of the most widely said among young kids. Maybe being gay, there are some parts of us that is weak, that seek comfort and support....

But after going through a relationship, I realize i have been getting more than seeking someone's concern, someone to take care of me. In fact, I realize i like the feeling of doing the reverse, to look after someone, to take care of someone. But it is just a natural feeling when u like someone right? I dun need someone to take care of me, but i need companion, i need attention though, and i am kinda possesive. Maybe this is annother phase which will past after i grew up more?

Thera are probably many phases too in a us. But what worried me most is the faith in relationship, from what i see, many people who is nearing 40 have pretty much given up on seeking relationship, mostly because they have seen and experienced enough of break ups, betrayal. Or maybe there are still things that i don't see, afterall they have live through and do know better indeed..

I know i will probably change from time to time, just like my best friend says, when they first knew me 2 years back, i was shy and reserved, but now, i am so openly going after guys.. (and i usually reply, yea, i am not young anymore, why shud i continue to act innocent and wait for people to come after me... =p) But I just hope i wont reach the stage that I will eventually loose faith in love, trust.. I need some luck, I need some assurance, I need a shoulder to lean against.. I am not asking for anything, but just a very small moment of comfort, when i want to escape from the real world.. that's all i wish for.. someone to be there..