Over Analyzed

Or in a layman term, i guess it is called "think too much"

Being gay, there is a tendency to over analyzed.. meaning to say? becoming suspicious and poking around and checking cell phones sms, checking each other social networking account to look for "evidence".. then working stories out in mind about what is going on.. for a simple reason, cause he wont tell us the truth, or at least that's what the person believe the other won't...

Okay, i have to admit, this is already a failure in a relationship, because there is no trust. Second, if u are sensible to think it the other way, if it is true, that means there is just that much love he has for u, what good is it to dig out and proove? what is there that can be changed? argue then break up? slap him on the face? Whatever it is, the end will be same, the end will come.. Anyway, during a reltionship, senses doesn't seem to be tht active..

Okay I have side track, i was about to talk about over analyzed which is to think too much and working out stories, cause and effect... But then again, not everyone can do it, ur brain has to turn fast enough for u to be so sensitive and be smart to work out something that is close to the truth based on what u got.. So it is not somethin everyone can be good at too....

In my case, i admit i think a lot, in fact He knows my brain turn fast in maths, and now probably he knows my thought turn as fast too.. Sometimes i wish i wasn't, i wud be much happier in a way. But since the age of 14, I hve know i cannot always be the kind of kid that gets what u want. ..

In fact, I have seen how my parents have been looked down by their siblings, my uncles and aunts (even my mom's dad, he obviously dun like us and my dad cause he is not as wealthy as the other uncles.. ) but as a kid what can i do? I was determined to take care of my family since then, since my dad went abroad to work to support the family. Since then it is down to me and mom to support the family, and the uncles and aunts have been even more sarcastics.. So I figure out one way, which is to be as polite as i can, so they cannot find any bad thing about me to talk about. Of course subsequently i also have had my best friend who help me in studies and made it on paper all thru PMR, SPM and even the somewhat "Best" student in STPM of my school for the year.. all these pretty much shut them up, since i was the best performing among my cousins, i.e. their kids..

But the impact is there, eventually i grew to learn how to catch and tell what people thinks and what is the answer they want, from observing.. So i can make sure they dun have a chance to even be sarcastics to us.. All these years, i learn to observe what someones's hopes fo hear.. .. Eventually in office, i need to do the same to minimized the impact of what i say or do.. It does help to say the right thing in office, at least people respect u and like u. But i carry this habit too far, into my relationship.. which according to a friend, is not good, and i thought so too looking back, looking at it now...

If only i think less, wud there be any difference? I will try.. but it is now like a self protect mechanism that opens up automatically... but still, i will try..