It's like musical chair

For those who have watched Sex And The City... i guess u wud be familiar with this quote... it was funny when Samantha said it at the gay wedding, but come to think of it, it is a cruel thing that is happening in real life. Many gays who have reached the age of 40 and above seems to have given up on finding true love, and settling with fun mates, sex buddy... and is like they wont even be choosy, but rather whatever is leftover.. except this time round, u wudn't want to be the one to be able to get a chair.. (okay, the exception wud be a guy at this age is loaded or has a good look and bod, the options might be more, but still.. its hardly emotional love right?)

Recently i have encounter guys who says things like " you r really nice or cute or good, but..." why must there be a "but" ... i feel so substandard... although I always hear TV programs encouraging ppl that your confidence shud come from yourself, but recently... i keep feeling it comes from when others approves u... and knowing that the guy u like has finally met a guy who he clicks really makes it all feel really bad.. although i have been wishing that he will encounter someone he really likes, but still.. i know some part i was hoping it cud be me being the someone.. and now finally it happened, that someone is not me.. it all seems so silly and idiotic...

I am such a failure in this. i really dun wan to be the last in the musical chair... but after all that had happen, i am starting to doubt if there is something wrong with myself...