爱的不放弃，放弃不爱的

Sometimes, I get so obsessed about a person that I forget to step back and look at it..

Never give up on what you love but we should let go of people that don't love us. To love and be persistent on what we believe is very important in maintaining a relationship, just like trusting ur other half, never give up easily no matter what happen.. however, that is provided the other person loves us as well.. It is always this part that I get stuck, i get too obsessed about people whom I like, and tend to forget if it is worth it and if it makes the other feel bad as well.. I mean it is not others fault that they don't like us, feeling is just too subjective. It is useless and pointless to hope other love us, when they just don't feel it. Step back and think, there are actually much more things that is worth our time to persue.. at least a person who like us, isn't better to spend time and effort to treasure this person..?

Sometimes i really need someone to hit me real hard on my head to see it, i am too easily obsessed on things... and too emotional.. Can I blame that on Sagitarius?


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追 (zhui) - To Persue

Coincidently, today ( at the time I blog ) it is 1st April... There are still a lot of things that is worth us persuing, like 哥哥 say, dedicate every minute and every second to persue the right one...

What can I say?

I was really really really tired this morning when i came back from work (only 2 hours since sunday noon till now) , then i got this message...

"My mom's plan is ready for upgrade anytime, but it will cost 618 (sgd) for her plan"

*not the original message but something like that*

And i just feel like, let me sleep, i am too tired to take on any extra mental dissapoinment...

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What happen was I used my plan to get an iPhone for Someone last time. He did promise me he will used his mom or his plan to get my phone next time i need. I am not regretting nor complaining as I know at that time, i am just happy i can do that for him. Honest..

but well... things go on and i actually never thought so much about using his plan, i mean it is awkward right? but then the last time we met, he was asking why i bought my phone without a plan and i should use his or his mom's and he even say his mom was asking if i need the phone.. so later on I kinda thought maybe i can get for my brother, i wanted to surprise him as I know he will like it a lot..

So it was fixed up and I am suppose to be getting it recently. and that came the message... the phone i got for him cost 368, which was the price at that time with only 1 company selling. Now it has competition and the price has fallen to 248 for the same kind of price plan. I was indeed concern that his mom doesn't need a data plan but last time he told me his mom is thinking of upgrading to more talk time so the price shud be cheaper too for the phone...

But now.. 618... it is really much different than I expect to pay. Not that i cannot afford, but jsut for now, I need to consider my brother's school fee coming soon.. so i am really not sure if i shud spend like this.. 400 difference.. it is almost 900 in malaysia.. to be honest, mostly i just feel really dissapointed cause there goes my surprise for my brother, which i really wanted to give him.. and also, i never really thought he cud still dissapoint me...

well what can i say, its not his fault his mom is not upgrading her plan, and she shouldn't have to upgrade just to get a cheaper phone for some stranger either. But just.. sometimes i feel like you shudn't give someone hope and crush it, it hurts a lot when you are looking forward so much and realize it is not going to happen... why give so much of uncertain promise? Why...

I am seriously in trouble..

My sleeping record:

Fri: 9am to 5pm = 8 hours
Sat: - = 0 hours
Sun: 5am to 12pm = 7 hours
Mon: 4am to 6am = 2 hours

I really feel if there is going to be a first time I faint, its gonna be tonite...

5he feeling is awful, when u r extremely fatigue..

Dare to dream?

Everything begin from a first step, and most of the time, we need courage and faith, to take the first step...

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She hasn't got a stunning face, nor a die-for model body, she doesn't know any musical instrument but she likes to sing. And she likes to hum and note down the musical notes that came to her and patch them to become a song...

With that, she join a competition that seeks a Superstar... this is where her journey starts. And now, basically people around the world (at least the chinese) who watch youtube, knows her name.. She took a step where many would have doubted and suceeded herself

If you know her, you know her, else just listen to the song produce all by herself and see if she is worth knowing...

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It so happens this song is about the courage to seek love. It starts from believing one's own feeling, and from there venture ahead, even if there are pain, even if there are doubts, even if there are a million obstacles, it is about not giving up. Believing the person is worth it and going ahead, and give all in without any reserve...

Sometimes it is good to listen to positive songs, who would have a smooth relationship? who never fell and got hurt, in fact so many have even started to protect oneself more than necesary, lost the courage to believe anymore.. I still believe i made a right choice, what's left is a little game of fate...

Ironman

Not exactly the Marvel Superhero, but i was kinda using it to describe a chinese word "Tie Ren" which translate into Ironman.

So what makes me an Ironman for today, yup, me.. (I know, i dun have the pacs but this is my blog!) Anyway, I was proud/amazed/shocked to realize I actually havent been sleeping for the past 30+ hours. Not just the do-nothing kind of continuos non-sleep, but rather, I went for my usual nite shift, came back from work in the neext morning trying to get some sleep but cudn't cause we will be moving our house at noon and I was expecting it. So being a light leeper I cudn't cloe my eyes at all and thus just went on the 9-hour continuous house shifting. We have to shift the girl's wardrobe, the shoe cupboard, couple of beds, and ... I am so blank now i really cannot remember...

All i know now is I feel achings all over my body parts and I feel like falling apart... this is soooooo-tiring.... I deserved to be iron man for a day right, 32 hours non-stop no sleep!!

but half dead now...

我等你

It has been a while since I posted some new songs. In fact, i think i have been posting some same songs when I was in the mood though with different stories..

This song came to my mind out of no where today. Well, not exactly out of no where, probably somewhere there in my mind. I wanted to post this song since "2 months and 28 days". But at that point, I was still optimistic towards it..



The song 我等你 (wo deng ni) - " I wait for you" or in a more literal meaning, it means i am willing to wait for you. But in the lyrics,

"我等你半年为期, 逾期就狠狠把你忘记"
"..I will wait for you, the deadline is half a year, after which I will determinedly forget about you, every single thing about you..."

so I didn't want Someone to misunderstood the meaning at that time. But well, it is a really nice and soothing song for a broken relationship.

I guess it is very true to say there is nothing time cannot heal. Even when you cry, I still believe, tears carry your sadness, so everytime you cry, you loose a little, and someday, it will all be washed away... And however strong a relationship is, when problem surface and you are force to let go, you will realize that no matter how reluctant you are to let the other go, there is a limit to how long you are willing to wait. Just as the song says, half a year, 1 year, 2 years, but feeling fades, even the memory is strong, the feeling will never be the same. A good case is when you can still be friend, cause both try to limit the harm, worse case is you will hate each other and only remember the bad things. But which ever it is, You will never feel that you still want to be together again.

Although time heals but the scar will be there, forever...

We wait, because we still have faith, but patience is pulling us from the other end.. So if there is someone you feel right, never let him wait, it will only lead to regret, when the the waiting time passed..

我.等.你

Listening

If words spoken can be solidify like thought bubbles in comics, this big city small island will definitely become a Hazy place...

Sitting at toastbox yesterday evening, I suddenly realize that i have never seen "peace and quiet" in day time in Singapore through my four years, no matter where or when, be it ulu as NTU, it will always have someone around, talking about soemthing. I mean when i was back at home, a usual afternoon, my house will be so quiet that I have to on my TV to make it feel alive, unlike here, you would wish there is a switch to shut the noises around. Not-gonna happen of course...

Well since you can't shut it, why not just open up ur ears and listen? which is what I did, not that I am eavesdropping, it's just they are speaking too loud and physics law says sound wave will propagate in air... etc etc, so if they didn't want others to hear, they wudn't have spoken in public right? Right, of course. Sometimes being a little attentive can be interesting, i mean all the interesting I observe and heard from Toastbox, I remember I once say maybe i can write up a page on Evening at Toastbox, like the annoying kid, the young lady with old man couple, the bullsh_t guy showing off in front of girls (plain naive), and also my favourite waitress at Toastbox, I would rank her top 3 best customer service in Singapore (I mean honestly, you can feel her dedication very sincerely, if i am the store owner i would promote her as store manager when she qualifies) etc etc... Not just that, sometimes in office, opening up ur ears a little can prepare you for surprises that may or may not favour you...

Not that I like, but I really can't help noticing the noises, talkings around. It is just a never-quiet-city I am living in (okay, plus i am the kind who is a little nosy, just that little), so I usually pay attention to what others say if they look "interesing" .. Seriously, it trains your analysing and summarizing ability to process information quickly in your mind.

So listen around, you never know what surprise you might get, it is "free" afterall...

醒目

My roomate is a honest, down to earth, thrifty person. Supportive and easy going personality. Not bad for a roomate person. Best part is he is not nosy and doesn't ask much when i come home late or don't come back to sleep... =p

Except one thing, (so typical, say something good about people before complaining) sometimes I just thought it would be much better if he is a bit more 醒目 (xing mu) or in more often we use in cantonese as (seng mook). It means being acute and sensitive (again rough translation). (well actually there is another thing which is he doesn't like to do house chores, i have been the one cleaning our room the entire year...

Okay, let's learn by example, today I was sleeping again until nearly 6pm and he was back, well the noise wake me up but i continue to sleep as I thought it was still early. So later on I start hearing all sort of noise and I couldn't continue to sleep, so I wake up and realize he didn't close the door, so whenever my other housemates comes back or walk around or do anything, the noise will come into the room. So you see? The example here says, if he is 醒目 he would have close the door as his cute roomate is still sleeping after all the tiring night shift.. (*sniff sniff, it is already hard to sleep in day... even without the noise.. *sniff sniff*)

There are other examples too like there was this once we all knew or guessed that one of our housemate is after the other girl in our house as well. I mean they go buy dinner together, supper or anything even if the guy didn't really want to eat. But somehow or rather, they keep it really low and has no obvious intention to disclose. So well, fine you don't wanna say, we won't ask. But my dear roomie keep on poking around and asking awkward question until I could see the annoyance on the girl's face sometimes.. =s and i just sweat... = ="

So well.. didn't have a good sleep today... let's hope for a better (sleep) tomorrow... *pray*

Overslept

Okay, you probably think, how can someone working nite hours oversleep? Well, it wasn't exactly the kind of oversleeping until I am late for work, more of the kind u wake up, thinking it is the usual kind of hours but the next moment you look at your clock, you " WHAT!!! IT'S 6pm ALREADY!!!"

But still, i feel like lying on the bed and continue sleeping, blame it to the bloody nice weather and the comfy bed... everything is just perfect...

Oh yea, blame another thing too.. I usually sleep at 9am but today i think i slept at 10+ because I was following this drama,

就想賴著妳 (jiu xiang lai zhe ni)



Translation: Always want to stick with you

okay, it is a poor translation, but i basically means that. 2 main reason I am sticking to this drama (which I haven't watched or followed one for almost 2years if not more) the Female lead, Ella is really funny and not the typical kind of taiwanese girlish character. Another reason is of course.. Jerry Yan is damn cute... Gosh, handsome guys really has got their charm, once you lay eyes on them you cannot take it off easily, his nose, his big eyes, his mouth, his face, everything says "HE IS HANDSOME!!!"

SO yup, that's why i overslept..

The Bills

On of the things being a grown up is you have to face the bills. Although my finance is still on the safe side, but seeing the money going out and check after check issue in a short time, it still cant help to feel... Phew... there goes the big digit in my account..

I was arranging my new rental agreement and doing all the signing of contract and payment, then issuing one month advance (in thousands) , half a month of the agent fee (again in thousand), miscellaneous payments for everything (hundreds). Looking at how "cash flow" - out of my account, kinda makes me.. SIGH... (seriously, they are indeed within my budget but still seeing them deplete makes you feel a little depress.. which means i am not rich enough?)

Well... go gym and shout out and destress i guess..ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Sleep hour over the weekend is really one challenging thing... i don't seem to get a balance soemhow, gosh, something doesn't feel right with my body, except i dunno what... :S weird..

勇氣 Courage

I have never been a devoted follower of whatever religious, as I choose to understand and practise whatever the teachings that I feel is right, rather than follow. But at times when we are really helpless, it seems like eventually these are where our last mental support will come from.

I am not asking for much, but i just hope that I will have the courage to do this thing that I feel I should, and have the courage to continue forever if it succeed or have the courage to be optimistic even if it fails. Have the courage to wish the best, for this wish that doesn't belong to me...

May I have the courage to go through this...

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勇氣 (yong qi) Courage

Get A Life

A dear friend says: " You should get a life, live your own life and not for someone... "

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I understand what you mean, I know everyone needs a goal in life, that you look back some time and say, I have achieve this, I understand previously I was too dependent on a person. In fact, it is probably because of that something was ruin. But it was a habit that I got into, anyway we learn from past.. we fall and we learn... hopefully it is for better..

Except for now I am not sure what kind of goal I really want, where do I want to see myself in years to come, what I want to have. Okay, not exactly true, I know I need to see my brother through his studies for the next 3 years, I know I wont get married, I know i would want to have blue ribbon one day, and I know i want to find a person to live with. Still, at this point of time, I somehow feel like my past years has been wasted, suddenly, I crave for the feeling to be loved.. I long for the feeling to let myself off for once, all the life I havent experienced before.. meet different people that teaches me things I never knew.. many many more..

Dear friend, I seriously appreciate your advice. It is a complicated thought for me at the moment, because of my own desires and craving, but somehow I feel what you say is true...

Thank you..

Weekend Blues, Again

Another week, felt like it was just yesterday that I wrote about my weekend blues and now... again =s ... Gosh...

Never a good loner, sagitarius.. (I didn't quote this, but it is a case study observation.. )

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Sometimes when we touch...

When I was 18

St.James powerhouse is located just soemwhere near my office. This morning (early morning) as I was taking a short break and strolling about, I notice a huge group of youngsters in the late teens and early 20's , all waiting near the MRT station, some talking to friends, soem sitting on the floor looking exhausted, while some simply just lying unconciously on the floor.

Okay, so it was ladies nite yesterday, I used to have this impression it was a nite for the working ladies (still single) to attract the men, somewhat like a wild match-making nite.. I mean afterall this is Singapore, a typical big city where sometimes people, especially ladies who are high flyers in their careers tend to forget about the little romance part of their life until they turn certain age and keep being bombarded by wedding invitations from their school mates.. thus these places for a start.. Dun get me wrong, they are probably very attractive by straight standard and furthermore they have financial stability, even better than some guys out there, just no time maybe..

Well, anyway, my real point is on the youngster, there are some clubs in Singapore that says minimum entry for guys is 25 and for girls 18. Well, even my standard 1 nephew who watch enough of hong kong drama can tell you what's the intention. BUt still I was "WOW" the first time I knew that.. I mean, if you look at it from another point of view, this is encouraging young women (merely school grad) to social (or I would like to say, trying to hook up) men who have a career. Even more, men who are rich...

Again this reminds me of another stories from the taiwanese writter. She was comparing young women of different generation, the earlier generation (currently in their 30's, 40's) would feel that it is a disgrace if they have got something, like say, a job, a promotion, a LV bag etc etc, because they have a relationship with some rich men. But the younger gen, like mine, they simply think it is perfectly normal. They dun see it so much as an exchange that they sleep with the guy and the guy pay them back something.. Rather, they just take it as a short relationship and they feel proud of it, being able to hook up some rich guy...

So this is our generation? I mean just take yesterday nite, it was meant for young working women, to attract the men, but ended up attracting even younger girls, hoping to get to know these men and then even younger boys to in turn know these young girls... Gosh, what was I doing when I was 18... but I have to admit, it is a good marketing strategy though...

Just in case you are wondering, I didn't mention seeing any mature people around the place but it isn't hard to guess why, they probably have their own transport or took a cab home... This part, I cud understand =p

Only Love

Some songs are just made to touch your heart.. The way I discover this song was quite unique. I first heard of it (a chinese version) from a competition, then I recall it was a song by Jacky Cheung, and I also vaguely remember a verse ".. there is something only love can see.. " from some disney movie by the same person. So i as just youtube-ing the song and then.. I found this, by trademark ~

Only Love



"... there is something only love can do ..."

(Don't think dirty!)

Can't they just stay like that?

I always thought, things are adorable when they are tiny.

I mean take dogs for example, I love puppies, look at them, can you not love them? They are cute, they like to play with you, you can hold them easily in one hand and they use their little toungue to tease u.... Ooooooo...


But once they grow up, they become huge, they bark a lot, they might even try to bite you, but most important of all, they dun look cute anymore...

Talk about the way they "Lick" you... eeewwwwww.......

Well, not just dogs, yesterday I was at toastbox again and I saw this little kid, kinderschool age, doing all the annoying things, talking loudly, walking around, banging on tables, talking back to his mom, totally out of control, I mean can you believe they were once cute little angels like this?

And just after few years, you would wonder how did they become demons like this..

So I always thought, the reason parents send their kids to school, education maybe one thing, but I somehow doubt if they partially just want to get them out of their life for a while and hope they grow up strong and healthy until they are able to work and take care of themselves, then you probably want to let them back to home again. But between that, you probably wish you could throw them to artic and let them grow up with polarbears..

Another rainy day

I remember writing about rainy day sometimes ago where I posted Stephanie Sun's 雨天 (yu tian). I kinda commented in most literature, it seems like this word has a negative meaning... Mmm.. okay, I maybe wrong, since I don't really read that much, but look at it from a realistic point of view, when it rains, most activities cannot go on, construction, outdoor sports, no one walking on the street, plus u need to bring umbrella etc etc..

But to be fair, rainy day is a good time to sleep, especially for us who sleeps in the day, it feels soooooo good. Furthermore, sometimes dun people like to walk in rain (drizzle of course), and wat else, yup, for those with a garden, the rain helps you to do watering doesn't it?

Okay, you probably would feel the author is out of topic for the day again, that he has to crapped about rainy day... =p your guess is correct, it is just a lazy cozy day, again, things do happen, but soemtimes, I just dunno how to pen it down, until probably a point in time...

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As a compensation, I am posting a nice song. I know this song is classic, but this version is a remake... I love these english songs, feels so romantic...

Sometimes when we touch...

If, 如果

What if... 如果... the existance of these words shows that it seems like be it English or Chinese, both these culture likes to assume what if things is the other way round... (I know many other languages have these words, but just these are my 2 main languages, okay maybe one more language that I know, malay is "Kalau" )

I know there are many ways of using this word IF, but obviously here I simply mean it is use to assume soemthing that happened, and what if it happen the other way. It is always a fantasy or a regret or probably a comfort when men try to imagine the IF situation. However, we know it just can never happen...

如果没有你 (ru guo mei you ni)



As the title says, what if you never came into my life. (I know this is not the direct translation but that's what it means in this song..) Karen Mok may not have a powerful voice, or fantastic features, but who can argue the way she sings a song touches one's heart deeply... the way she narate the whole story....

I guess I have probably written on this songs once, that I really love some of the lyrics...

"...If I have never met you, there wont be a past between us,
there wont be sadness,
But if there is a IF(if i have a choice), I will still choose to love you,
If I have never met you, it doesn't matter where I am, who I am cause I am incomplete..."

In life, there are people whom we wished we have never met, cause it leaves a scar in us, there are also people whom we are glad we met, cause they complete us, but there are also people who we couldn't hold forever, which we are glad to meet but regret that we cannot be with them forever... Which ever it is, I guess there is one common thing, that they make us grow up, to be a better person..

Simply writing this because suddenly had this feeling that different people I met makes me see things differently, I admit that I am easily affected by people around me, thus my perception. But all in all, it is like something being shape gradually. Not sure if those might be good or bad influence, but at least it is the best I feel at the time I do it. So no regrets, cause there will never be IF...

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Eye-candy version... touching nonetheless...

Emptiness

Everything is just a measure of relativity, it is in the law of physics, but surprisingly it reflects real life so accurately...

A malay colleague was telling me how he wish to be born rich, so i was telling him, do you think if you are born rich you will appreciate it? I mean imagine yourself being born in a rich family and you have everything you want, you never had experience that u want something but you couldn't get because you have "no money" . Do you suppose you will appreciate being rich? Well, just look at what rich kid do for "fun" , definitely not buying something to cheer themselves up. You have to be poor to appreciate being rich...

Look at another thing, we feel sad when we loose a relationship, and we missed the happy moments. This shows how happy memories become sad feelings when we realize something wont be there anymore, thus, the deeper you loved, the happier it was, the harder it is, to really forget, because it is a relative measure...

Well, having all said, despite knowing that something are just temporary, something are just momentary, some happiness that is only for the evening, sometimes we just give in to ourselves to be pampered, to feel contented, to enjoy the fun, the crazy nite and forget about the rest. But the moment it is over, the relative feeling.. the emptiness feeling comes into us... but still, sometimes even a short moment, is better than nothing i guess, just the craving to be loved... even if it is not real... or shud I say, not lasting.. isn't that pathetic?

Weekends Blues

Usually weekend is like the best time for most people, cause you get to escape from your work for once and have all the time you want to do whatever you wish. But the weird thing is, I somehow feel the other way...

Seems like i still get the odd little feeling of wondering what I should do during a weekend. If it is just a normal working day, at least I know i can do gym, work, and that shud take up most of my time. But suddenly I have a whole day (or now nite) to myself, it seems a lot of time to be alone (which is the feeling i really dun like..) Especially if I want to stay up late keep my "usual" sleeping hour, all the more I have to try to stay out (cause I am sure if i am anywhere near my bed, i am bound to sleep around 12... ) so being in this big city small island, I am pretty much left with 2 choices, late nite movie or club. But somehow I dun like watching movie alone, cause for one I am not a movie person, i usually do it as a dating or friendly garthering thing, so we can talk about movies. So seems only that option to keep a weekend nite alive...


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I was wondering what is Canon in D when I saw it in some u-tube clip, and I thought it was some competition by Canon... =p

learned something new again..

And how romantic it wud be, to have a candle lite dinner with a band playing Canon in D in the background with someone you love. I will definitely do it someday...

The Angel

I made a call home yesterday to tell my mom I have received the package of snacks she send through my uncle. However, a phone call that I thought will last for 5 minutes has been extended for a good 30 minutes. = ="

Reason? ...

Some facts:

-My mom likes to nag, and she has got a pretty touchy temper.

-My brother has got little patience, and stubborn and WORST of all.. temper like my mom.

Putting that 2 together, whenever there are disgreement, instead of one being nice and tactfully resolve it (like me) all my brother does was just argue with her, and when he is still kiddish in his way that he starts to refuse to eat or do anything to show he is unhappy...faint..

In fact what happen was my mom was driving and he is giving directions based on the map while they were in another town, and somehow the direction was wrong. (I can tell you exactly the same thing happened 6-7 years ago except it was me sitting beside my mom, and I can TOTALLY understand my brother's frustration)

So it ended up I have to counsel the 2 of them... telling my mom to go easy on him, that he is big enough and not really as bad as she thought, giving examples.. then telling my brother to try to be tactful when talking to mom, that you dun have to agree 100% but you can always say "yea, yea, dun worry mom, i know... " and do whatever u want after that or try to reason out "peacefully"..

Phew... just when I think I have been good.. graduated on my own scholarship, never asked any money from my family, and now even started to send money home and saving up for my brother's study (which I am totally glad that I can afford).. but it just seems like Life isn't always as easy, there are still other things (like above) to take care of.. Gosh, I just feel mentally worn out after the phone session...

But well... c'est la vie..

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In fact, it just gives me a thought about what I seek. I used to have a fantasy for a guy who is mature and can be a big brother, because ever since my dad has gone abroad to work 10 years ago, it has pretty much been down to me and my mom to lead the household. And sometimes it just feel a little tiring, that I hope I can be the one being taken care of and being pampered... sometimes..

But as times goes, it makes me realize that all I need is someone whom I can talk to, a person to listen, a company... In fact, I am so used to looking after others, it somehow makes me feel that i don't really mind having this special person to look after, to love and to pamper just like how I want my family to be happy...

An Angel in my life that keep me going, feel that life is meaningful, share my love, my time, my every moments and an Angel who I can make him happy, give all I can to put a smile on his face...

天使(Tian Shi) - Angel

知足

I was trying to think of a word in English to describe 知足 (zhi zhu) but somehow forgive my poor vocabulary, I couldn't think of an exact word that carries the same meaning. The word means to be grateful and feel contented for what we have.

Ever since young, we have been taught to be grateful for what we have. At that point, I only thought it was because our family wasn't that well being, thus we shouldn't ask for too much.

Even till now, I wouldn't say I totally comprehend the meaning as we are all still struggling for more, practically in every sense, we want more money, we want more fame, we want to be superior, we want everything the world can give (speaking in general, not necessary everyone seeks everything though), etc...

However, in someway, i am able to appreciate this word better now, after studying through the 4 years, after going through some experience, after meeting some people... At least just today, it makes me realize sometimes we are not happy because we emphasize too much on things we do not have, rather than enjoying things we have, and feel contented about it.

Today, I just went down to buy my late lunch after I woke up, i guess my eyes must still be half open as the guy at the cashier was asking if I just woke up, so I say yea and then we chatted about the nite working as he was wondering how come I am sleeping at this hour...

At the end, he said: " You should have more rest and drink more water, you look really tired.. =) "

It makes me feel so touched.. and makes me think, I have always feel lonely ever since we break up, cause it makes me feel I am lonely again, that no one would be there to share all the ups and downs, or to how me how am I feeling when I am sick. But i guess I have forgotten that I still my family, my friends, my colleagues who are all very nice people and who cares. Even this cashier guy whom I only met like a few minutes everytime I go down to buy food, can show his concern, isn't that a blessing already?

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When i think back, sometimes the reason we failed in a relationship, it could be because we want to much from someone, rather than we really want to see him happy. If we really love someone, we ought to be grateful when he is happy, even if it means the happiness doesn't come from us, but rather, from someone else who is important to him... We shud wish them all the best...

Just as the songs says.. you will truly own something, when you learn to appreciate being grateful...


Happy Birthday... May you be happy hence...

It's Coming!

I can feel it coming... And i know I can't avoid it... It's going to hit me hard again..

Someone's coming into my heart!

Okay... just kidding... And before you guess i mean the circus is coming into town, no it's not, and I have passed the age to get excited over cats jumping over ring of fire or painted-face tossing ball around (in fact, to be honest i kinda thought they were scary when I was young.. blame it to the horror movies!)

I knew something was not good when I get a pimple on my face, and it just shows it was a prelude.. Now my throat is feeling weird too, the kind a sorethroat is coming. Seems like no matter how much I try to sleep in the day, there will still be some side effects. And this weekend I have being staying up late outside ( but what was I suppose to do, I need to maintain my "regular" sleeping hour) and 2 vodkas cant have brought me the sorethroat, I mean there are people who down like bottles in one night and they are still alive next day.. So what's that..

Hmm... and I have been eating pretty healthy stuffs.. well coffee and tea are not bad stuffs right.. unless.. the Barbeque party on friday!!! Gosh, I almost forgotten I went to that, cause it felt more like a breakfast as I have to work after the party..

Well... seems like it is hitting me hard again this time... sorethroat again .. *sob sob*

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流沙(liu sha) - Quick Sand



...Love is like quick sand, sometimes no matter how you try to avoid it, you will still fall into it; and other times no matter how hard you struggle to hold it, it will slip through your palms. So why not just let it be, and go according to where it takes you...

Another song beautifully written...

All About You

Once, I have been through a phase, where day and night, the moments I'm concious, all i thought about is this person, what he is doing, what he will be having for lunch, every little thing... Is that not love?

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天天夜夜(Tian Tian Ye Ye) - Day and Night



Listening to this song just brings back the memory of how much I fell into a relationship. Day and Night, I always have this person in my mind, that I couldn't take him off, it is how I know, okay... I am do like this person, and I care about him.. maybe a little on the possesive side, but still, I like this person, he just come into my thoughts, and there is nothign I can do about it.. Not until he hurts me badly, and I am force to shield myself from the pain...Maybe some would say I have not been rational, that I am silly and didn't get my priority right. Maybe, they are true, in a to-be-successful-high-flyer model kind of person. That one should put oneself first. But somehow, there is part of me that feels very happy if I am able to think of someone that I like, or actually have someone I like to think about..

That's how I can feel happy, satisfy, feel that there is a purpose of living.. ( okay, this may sound a bit weird, i may have exagerated a little.. but give it a little thought, what are the main reasons we keep ourselves alive, when some day, we will die.. it could be down to very simple reasons.. )

How do i live... without you...

轉角 (zhuan jiao)

How often have you wonder what would you encounter when you turn a corner? Never right? cause somehow we are familiar with the places, and hardly will we expect something different. But think about it, turning a corner can be pretty mysterious, cause we can never know what would happen right? even the odds are low, but still it is something so near, yet we cannot see...



I love to sing this song in karaoke, reason being, the music is really lovely and romantic, and most importantly it is within the vocal range i can sing =p

Just today, I was reading the lyrics and realize it is really interesting that the person who wrote this was telling a love story using a corner. Well of course the idea came from the drama, but still putting it into a song, there are some creativity in it. It is basically a guy telling his lover that there is someone waiting for you at the next corner. His lover may have doubt on what will be there at the next corner, there are uncertainties, there are fear, there are doubts. Will the next person be the right person? will the next person make me cry? will there be a beautiful love waiting for me there?

Then gradually he answer, let me accompany you at the next corner, let me be the special one for you at the next corner, I wont let you drop any tears, I wont let you feel alone, from now onwards, you will be my one and only...

Turning at a corner, it is somehow like turning over a new leaf. We may not be able to see it clearly what will be there for us. It is probably not as clear as a straight path. But there are surprises, there are hope to be better. If you believe, take a step, throw a bet again, this time, it might really be better. Have faith and make a turn...

First Love

Nope.. not about my first love.. I had written a lot but sometimes I wonder is that love? has he ever truly love me?

I will never know...

But anyway, I got to know of this song on friday evening, somewhat to feel it for the first time. And on saturday, I probably played it over 50 times... again, for dunno what reason and I dun even know the meaning, maybe I am just emotional and crazy... haa...

Right place, right time, and the right person...

Not long ago, I bought this book by a famous taiwanese host-cum-writer.

It is about all the love stories.. nope, not love stories as in fictions, but stories of people around and about her.

Tonite reminds me of one particular story, it goes like this...

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There was this girl, A ,who was young and pretty and has all the qualities to succeed as a high flying celebrity. She encounter this young rich man who well, is not good-looking, slightly plump and worse of all, an idiot who only knows how to spend his parents wealth. Cars, women, drink is what the guy is only interested in. Even with a pretty girlfriend A who is blindly attached to him, he still goes out and flirt and spend like no one's business. Eventually, all his family wealth has depleted to nothing, and when you think he wud at least learn his lesson, he started asking money from A.

A, who keeps believing that the idiot will change and turn a new leaf, keep working and supplying him with money. All she wanted is to have a family with this man she loves deeply. So no matter what happen, she keep on supplying him with her hard earn money. While the idiot keep using the money as if it was his own, on women, drinks... Until there was this time, that he was in huge debt with loan shark, that he was forced to leave the country, and he just told A that he wants to break off.. just that..

Poor A, who has wasted so many years, and wanted to have a family with this man, ended up wasting her youth, her money for nothing in the end but a broken heart..

Well, if the stories just end here, then it probably might be better, but soemtiems fate can be cruel. After some years, the Man return to the country, no one knows what happen to him, but he seems to have finally turn over a new leaf, has a proper career, and no longer addicted to his bad habit. In fact, he got married and became a good husband and father. Except the bride isn't A. It was a young lady in ther early 20's.

It simply says, A has been giving and struggling all her life, just hoping that the man she loves will turn good and give her a family she always wanted. But, in the end, this simple things she wanted, went to a young girl effortlessly, just because the young girl met her man at the right time, and the right place. When he has really learned his lesson and determinedly become a good man... while A, still alone and has lost most of her precious things...

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Sad story isn't it? For A... But if you believe it, we can only blame that fate is cruel on us. Why cant she be the one to meet the guy after he has learned his life lesson and be good...

It is just like in this circle, say 2 young guys, who have just came into this world, they were lucky enough to meet each other, dedicated to give each other their life, and are really the "right" match.. they probably live happily ever after. ( You may bet this is too ideal to happen, but proof to me it never occurs on anyone..)

Then look at another pair, one just came in, young and optimistic in seeking a dedicated partner, and met with this person, who has failed several relationship because of various reasons, and the person is just too tired to try again, who knows, this mayb the right one, but he is just too tired, to bet in the love game again.. and well, they just missed each other..

and lastly, 2 experienced guy, both in the circle long enuf, both has seen enough, to tell you (from their perspective) that true love doesn't exists, because they have failed enough times to be optimistic, so now that even they have met, they wouldn't open up their heart to trust each other, they might just be fun buddy, hand around, they might feel that the other seems to be a right person, but neither might open up to love again, so just a "meaty" relationship and never trust... till the day they leave the world.. Will they be happy? I bet they will regret before their very last breath, does money matters to you at that time, or a memory that makes you smile while you breath your last breath? (I am quoting this example as I have met and spoken to some who are in their late 30's it seems like this is their common believe, which at this point, I still disgree strongly..)

I wouldn't say what I feel is 100% correct, but at least at this point of time, I still feel that opening up ur heart, eventually you will meet someone with the same heart as urs. And if we never try, this will never happen..

But still as the story I quoted, sometimes can you blame the others to be pessimistic after so many heart breaking sessions? How strong do you have to be? So, eventually you probably have to be "at the right place, in the right time with the right person"... and guess what, in chinese, this is simply call 缘份 (yuan fen)...

Totally fainted..

Gosh, I must be tired... This is so last minute...

My Biological Clock

It seems that I am now able to sleep past the what used to be lunch-time-wake-up-call from my body. Meaning I wont feel like waking up to eat, rather I feel sleepy and tired and am able to sleep thru that hour.

But somehow this is just a minor adjustment, one of the biggest problem I don't really like is still the way I fall asleep. Normally for me to fall asleep, I need to be rolling on my bed for a while, calm myself and fall asleep. Partly because I am a light sleeper, so i don't just "faint" immediately like my brother, or Someone...

But then recently, I fell asleep without myself realizing.. it is like I had my breakfast, watch some you-tube and wait for my hair to dry.. but next thing I realize, it is 12pm and I had slept for 3 hours with my lappie still on my bed (normally I would shift it away so i wont hit it and make it fall on the floor accidentally..) but these 2 days, I seem to always just sleep "uncounciously".. Okay, this sounds a bit like coma but what I meant is I sleep without intending too, but rather I am just too tired and i just collapse.. It feels like I am exhausting my body everyday =s

Another thing is my eye-bag!!! It seems very prominent now... especially my complexion is quite fair, it make it more obvious... ARGH!!!!! I DUN WAN TO BE A PANDA!!!!!!!!!

Gosh.. this thing looks quite cute doesn't it =P in fact a bit fake.. BUT I DUN WAN TO BE LIKE IT!!!!

Love, Reason?

Blogging on a daily basis is on the plus side, act as a diary of what you did, or feel or thought and you cud look back sometime and it will remind you on what happen. Like a trace. But sometimes, you can simply run out of ideas, i mean sometimes a day can be very ordinary, work, eat, sleep, eat, sleep.... etc etc

Today seems to be somewhat a day like that for me, well, not that nothing really happen, in fact, one little bit going on, just I am not sure if I wud want to write this down and really remember it forever, or just let it slowly fade in my own mind as chances are nothing good will come out...

But other than that, well nothing, i was going to look for some old songs and write but then I saw this. It is a question that I have once been asked, I remember initially I said, liking someone means liking someone, it is a feeling why shud there be soemthing... But I was told that I cannot even say something about the person, so I was frustrated and try very hard to get answer, and said something crap.. that really resembles the story below...

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Once a lady, when having a conversation with her lover, asked:

Lady: Why do you like me? Why do you love me?
Man: I can’t tell the reason but I really like you...

Lady: You can’t even tell me the reason. How can you say you like me? How can you say you love me?
Man: I really don’t know the reason, but I can prove that I love U.

Lady: Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. friend’s boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you!
Man: Ok..ok!!! Erm... because you are beautiful, because your voice is sweet,because you are caring,because you are loving,because you are thoughtful,because of your smile,because of your every movements.

The lady felt very satisfied with the man’s answer. Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and went in comma.The Guy then placed a letter by her side,

Here is the content:

Darling,

Because of your sweet voice that I love you...Now can you talk? No! Therefore I cannot love you.
Because of your care and concern that I like you..Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you.
Because of your smile,because of your every movements that I love you..
Now can you smile? Now can you move?No, therefore I cannot love you...
If love needs a reason, like now, there is no reason for me to love you anymore.
Does love need a reason?

NO!

Therefore, I still LOVE YOU...

***AND, I like this...

~True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away
~Immature love says: ’I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ’I need you because I love you.’
~Fate Determines Who Comes Into Our Lives, But Heart Determines Who Stays...’

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I like this article, for one, it helps me feel sure of my own answer, and also the last 3 lines. It really give us a thought about what is love...

*not that this article is necessarily correct, there are always different ways and arguments to look at one question. But at least this sounds reasonable doesn't it?

Rainy Day

雨天 Rainy day.

Be it english or mandarin, it seems to carry a grey-ish meaning. Saving up for a rainy day, as well as the following songs. Seems like in literature, it is simply not favourable...



I have heard this song since long ago. But somehow I never really fell deeply for it. Until today, when it rains, it reminds me of this song. Also, I notice how I have written in my profile that to give the songs 3 minuts to understand the story (if u understand the language that is..), but when i try to listen to this song, I actually couldn't fully appreciate the whole story in it. Maybe that's why I never fell for it so much.

But then again, sometimes, you dun have to know everything to appreciate it. Just like do you need to know how to cook a steak to appreciate it? Nope, just open your mouth and eat it. So for this song, just open up your ears, and listen to it. Despite not understanding the story, the sadness, the dissapointment in the song is still prominent. The feeling of a rainy, gloomy, cold, lonely moment...

雨天...

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After so many hot days, finally there is rain in this big city small island... Which was really great, i manage to sleep continuosly from morning till late noon and it was nice...

This morning, when i try to blog, i realize my thoughts were totally jumble up and I have been typing practically really mess up things. Initially I wanted to describe something I saw at the toastbox, 2 groups of people with different story, although it has been short but it is the kind of scene that makes you think about life, yea life again, i know.. I am emotional again...

But well, maybe next time, I am sure I will always remember what I saw...

New Interest

Bread Talk was one of the brand made known to the world (at least the asian world) by Singaopore.

In recent years, they have added toastbox which serves as a coffee place which sells toast, coffee, tea, and some local food. Much like the concept of kopitiam if you ask me, except it is always attached to a breaktalk outlet...

Reason I mention this is because just recently, I have found myself going back to toastbox for their yin yeaung very often. It is like really cozy to have a warm drink and read some stories book or chat and mingle with ur friends.. I like the book part and also to look around see what's happening..

Tea with a feeling of thick slightly bitter coffee.. I just like the taste... seems like i am addicted to something again...

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Another nite... or day... or sleep time... ZZzZzzzzz...