About Me

Initially I thought of calling this entry About Me Part 1.. But when I think back the last few times when I thought I was going to like do a few parts on a topic, it seems like I just never did... So probably if I thought of anythign about myself again I will just call it "About Me, Again", "About Me, More", "About Me, Even More", "About Me, The Part I Never Wrote Before" ... etc etc..

Okay, back to myself.. this is not intented to sound like those Primary One essay (or is it Primary Three, cant really remember when we start learning to compose essay), but merely a thought about myself from someway I do things. Of course, it is really negative.. Isn't this weird, I am writing something bad about myself.. =s But I guess that's what all Sagitarius do, so it is in me, I am born like that =p .

I realize when I want soemthing, I will go to full extend to get it, and I usually don't have the patience to wait. In someway you can say it is stubborn. But then again, this kind of stubornness is only to ourselves.. or myself (maybe not all sagis are like that, better not stereotype..). I mean like I wanted soemthing, i can really do very scary things to get it. I am even willing to take risk to get something if I wanted it badly, and trust me, the risk I am talking about is really "big" in a relative context. And worse of all, I dun even hesitate much. I just go according to my feelings. I always remember what my dad tells me when I was young..

Dad: "You always cannot wait, when I promise you soemthing it doesn't mean I have to do it immediately!"

I can still remember after being scolded, i was crying. Not because I was scared or what, but because I feel that, you have promised me soemthing, and now I am just expecting, what wrong have I done. There is a chinese word that best describe my feeling, I felt 委屈.

Well why am I suddenly so self-councious about this, not like I have harm anyone. Well maybe not when I am on myself.. But soemtimes when I think back, there are indeed damage done, to my relationship.., I wanted attention, thus I insist on having it, without really being mature about how other feels. I mean some people are probably more concerns about being professional than just emotional( I mean like me, is obviously the latter.. ) But i just insist my way. Although I keep saying "It's okay, I am fine" but I know i have send out enough signs that says "I AM NOT HAPPY" which is really annoying and irritating.. I really have given someone a hard time.. And i just want to say, I am really sorry. I know I am not mature enough when it comes to that. But i really cannot help it. I need attention, especially at this time, having a romantic relationship is what I really crave for at this point of time... I really long for it... But I also understand by demanding this, it has given you a lot of uneasiness.. So I am really sorry...

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I am writing this as soemthing to reflect on when I read back soemwhere down the road. Just to remind myself that, there will be a time I probably think I am so foolish and childish, but for now, i just feel I deserve to enjoy this..