I am not being negative, and i thought i have written something like this previously. But just happen to see someone putting this on their introduction section sort of stir up some thoughts.
Yesterday, I was just thinking back what happened to myself all these years since i realize what i like. I have really never had the chance to fall in love, do silly things that young people would do, and I am almost past the age that i can tell myself that we are young, we can do it... I am turning 25 this year, halfway to 30. For now, all i know is i need to work to earn money to sponsor my brother. To have enough for my parents future life. I haven't even planned anything for my own future. In some way, I am avoiding it, cause I know i won't get married and have kids, so i dare not think of my late years... But i dun want to think of it either, one advantage of it is I probably wont have the burden of family and kids, so I am free in that sense. But to be honest, I am worried that eventually I will be alone, when my parents are not around, my brother has his family and so does all my friends.
But as of now, I am giving myself 2 more years of time to be ignorant and enjoy what I should have had. I know it is irresponsible, but if i never tried it, then that's it for this life, gone for good. I know i will always carry that regret. Why had I never enjoy the romance, why had I nothing to think back, when I see a romantic scene in movie in my late years. I don't think I want to carry this regret forever...
Live will end, it is just a matter of sooner or later, if I am lucky i get many more years. If i am not, it can be any moment from now. This is a really negative thought, but it simply makes me more determined to persue what I think is right, at least at this moment. We can never make the right decision all the time. Simply never regret every choice we make, that's what I believe.
Seek what you want, it may not be easy, it may not even happen. But if you never try, you never know and it will definitely never happen. Something to myself...
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hey man, you're not walking alone yeah?
ReplyDeletehave a great year, and many years to come! =)